WHO'S BEING AWKWARD ?

So here we are, nearly 18 months on from when I first started taking driving lessons and I’m still just that, a learner.

And I put it down to the fact that while my careful and steady driving style might well stand me in good stead of passing I still feel that sometimes I make silly little mistakes that I would rather iron out now before daring  to take to the road without the safety net of an instructor and dual controlling to fall back on.

I know that once behind that steering wheel of my own vehicle I will be the sole protector of the safety and wellbeing of my passengers and I have every intention of doing that to the best of my ability.

It may have taken me three attempts to pass my theory test but at least now I know I’m well versed in the rules of the road and one in particular sticks in my mind after coming up in every practise test I did online and the ones I took for real.

It’s one that comes up so often that I’m surprised that it gets forgotten so easily when after months of revising I reckon I could recite it in my sleep.

So what is the rule of which I speak , the one which gets broken daily by people who will sit behind me on a lesson bemoaning the fact that I shouldn’t be allowed on the road if I can’t drive properly then quite openly commit the cardinal sin of road safety cos they “ know what they’re doing “.

I speak of course of that oft flouted and much argued rule of the yellow zig zag lines accompanied by the motto “school –keep clear “.

Theory test answers state quite clearly that you should never stop on this area but outside every school there is always someone who thinks that they’re the exception to it, taking up that space on the pretty primary coloured pattern so they can get nearer to the school to save their child having to walk a little further with no care as to the dangers to anyone else’s safety.

And nowhere was it best demonstrated than in the attitude of the driver who took offence at us obeying the rules as my other half gave our sons their Friday afternoon lift home from school last week.

As our car approached the local primary school the lollipop lady stepped out into the road to allow the children and parents on their way home to cross safely so we stopped behind the vehicle in front and waited patiently.

Not waiting quite so patiently on our left however was a gent getting quite irritated at being boxed in on his chosen parking spot.

So annoyed was he at having to wait a few seconds, he took it upon himself to storm up to our car, wrench the driver door open and bellow and swear in front of not only our kids but all the little ones passing by as to why we were being so ******* awkward by not getting out of his way.

Which was a bit rich coming from someone whose vehicle was parked right on the school keep clear area trying to barge through traffic that was obeying the laws of road safety.

So one more time if you please sir, explain again who exactly was being the awkward one here?

IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE

5B, 4C, 6A.

What’s this, you think as you take in all the different facts and figures laid out on the piece of paper in front of you?

Is it a university entry level maths equation?

Or maybe it’s some kind of secret code that we need the staff of Bletchley Park to come out of retirement for so they can lend a hand in deciphering it.

Perhaps a quick call to Carol Vorderman would help us unravel just what’s going on here.

Wait a moment though; take another look at it before you get Professor Stephen Hawking’s number up on speed dial, is this really a tricky puzzle that needs the minds of many of the worlds geniuses to sort out.

Or is it just that the number, letter and level system that your child’s exam result and grade card follows is confusing you.

 After all you are just a parent not a rocket scientist.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 16/02/15

MEDWAY MESSENGER

LIKE A GAGGLE OF AGED PINK LADIES AT THE RYDELL HIGH REUNION ......

There it is, in bold black letters on a stark white background.

The red circle with a line through its middle clearly denoting that whatever it’s trying to say, it means that under no circumstances should you be doing it here.

But there’s always one isn’t there, always one who thinks that they can find a way to buck that system, that whatever prohibition it’s on about it doesn’t imply to them.

And where one goes, there’s always plenty of sheep to follow , aware that maybe that’s not quite what they should be doing but if the Smart Alec ringleader is prepared to brave it out then so should they for fear of being rejected from the “ cool “ gang as the outcast who dared to follow the rules.

So there they are standing in their usual spot, like a gaggle of aged Pink Ladies at the Rydell High reunion.

Except instead of cadging a sneaky peak of a crafty ciggie behind the bike sheds whilst simultaneously receiving a hickey from Kenickie, these days it’s a major league chuffing and moaning session shrouded in the protection of the nearest bus shelter.

No matter that their plush smoking establishment is situated in the middle of a busy route to the local primary school, for they care not a jot. They’re rebels with a cause, a band of forthright enigma’s cloaked in a cape of nicotine putting the education world to rights from the metal and glass perch on which they sit, spying on the enemy and gathering information on their nemesis’s from their secret lair.

Or at least that was until last week, when overnight a stealthy ninja council worker slapped not one but two “it is against the law to smoke in this bus shelter “signs on their hideout of choice and they turned up early that next morning to get their parking space right by the school only to find they had been evicted.

“ What an outrage” came the uproar from the disgruntled coven as I and possibly many others let out a collective evil “ mwahaha “ under our breaths at their annoyance and the thought that the air might be a bit less toxic for all the children that have to pass by them every day.

But our triumph was to be short-lived, for like all evil geniuses they weren’t content to concede with defeat in this battle and come the middle of this week they dealt the ace that they had concealed up their tobacco scented sleeves.

For the leader of the pack, let’s call her Rizzo for now shall we, had discovered a loophole in how to get round this preposterous ruling.

Like a fox with a university degree in cunning, she had spotted that while the signs stated it was against the law to smoke inside the shelter, there was nothing to say they weren’t permitted to smoke standing next to it.

“How careless of them to not be specific “she chortled to herself at getting the upper hand on the law and the Benson and Hedges avengers assembled once more the following morning, completely missing the point of why they were being asked not smoke there and revelling in their deviousness as they exhaled right into the path of oncoming parents and small children, making it look as though they were emerging through the billowing dry ice on Stars in their eyes.

“Tonight Harry, I’m going to be inhaling tar and carbon monoxide “

But what about their own children, I hear you ask, where are they during all these proceedings?

And I say worry not dear citizen, for they are fine, there they are residing inside the protective confines of their parent’s vehicle.

Windows done up tight to prevent the toxic fumes getting in and doors locked to stop them getting out and running into the path of drivers during the school run madness.

Good gracious ,what kind of parents do you take them for exactly, for only selfish ones would put their children in  danger of contact with something that could harm them, wouldn’t they ?

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 16/02/ 2015

MEDWAY MESSENGER

 

KNOCK, KNOCK , WHO'S THERE?

You know what it’s like, you’ve just got in from the school run or work and all you want to do is kick off your shoes and relax or make a start on getting the kids dinner ready.

Things are going well until suddenly there’s a rapping on your door knocker and before you have a chance to say “no thanks I’m not interested” the person with the I.D lanyard and clipboard is running through their spiel without stopping for breath.

Nothing will stop them from trying to get you to sign up for whatever it is they’re trying to sell, not even the sound of the fire alarm going off as dinner burns to a cinder or a screaming baby.

And even as you grow more annoyed and less polite it’s like water off a ducks back to them.

So let’s just get one thing straight shall we , I know you’re only trying to make a living but if I was really interested in what you’re trying to sell me I’d go out and find it for myself not spend the evening signing up for it on my doorstep in the rain.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN MEDWAY MESSENGER 19/01/2015

ONLINE NOT ALWAYS ON TIME

Of course I knew I was cutting it a bit fine but with time running out to get into town to buy that last minute Christmas present request I reasoned that even if it wasn’t there for the big day itself at least if I ordered it online they should have it at the latest by New Year.

The estimated delivery stated it would be scheduled to arrive sometime between 22^nd December and 6^th January and with an email on 17^th informing me that it had been dispatched I was quietly confident my boys wouldn’t have to wait too long after the 25th to get the game they were so looking forward to playing.

However Christmas week came and went with no sign of arrival and as 2015 chimed in we began to grow impatient.

The boys packed their bags and returned to school on 6th yet still their main Christmas gift was nowhere to be seen.

Every day for the next week they would arrive home full of hope that maybe today was the day it would finally arrive but as the week progressed they were only to become more and more disappointed.

 As the weekend came and went and the parcel became 5 days overdue of its estimated delivery date I fired off an email asking just exactly how much longer the wait for it was likely to be.

 To which we were informed that while the item had certainly been dispatched by the company on the 17^th, the courier had lost it somewhere in transit so they had issued us with a refund forthwith.

Which in normal circumstances I would’ve been happy about but now here I was nearly a month later back where I’d started with nothing to show for all that time we’d been waiting.

 Sure, it’s a great thing to get your money back when you’ve had poor service but the much awaited game would have been far more appreciated.

So fed up with having to wait any longer off into town I went the next morning and finally my boys got to cash in the I.O.U I’d handed them for just dance 2015 on Christmas Day.

I suppose then that the moral of this story is that while online shopping is far more convenient in certain aspects there’s nothing more reliable than getting your hands on the real thing on the high street.

 GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 19/01/2015

TALKIN ABOUT A RESOLUTION ...

Here we are, it’s my 1st column of 2015 and as I diligently fill in the pages of the diary I received for Christmas I wonder what resolutions we’ve all been making for the coming year.

Chances are by the time you read this some of us have already broken our promises we were so keen to keep on New Year’s Eve 2014 but there may still be a staunch few of us out there that really do mean to see theirs all the way through in 2015.

Some may be through necessity and others through whimsy but whether it be a small lifestyle makeover or big life changing decision we’ll stick to it with military like precision to make sure we achieve the goal we are seeking.

So what are my plans as we step into this New Year?

Well with two big events in my life approaching in the summer that faithful old chestnut of many a resolution list appears.

For with my 40^th birthday looming into sight in June I intend my age to be the only big statement number about me not the size of my ballooning waistline.

 So with the inspiration of a vintage dress that belonged to my grandmother I hope to cut a much slimmer, fitter figure as I hit the dance floor at my party in six months time.

And a few weeks after that I’ll be taking on my debut bridesmaid role for which i don’t intend to be the fat frumpy forty something bridesmaid next to my much younger colleagues so it’ll be off to the gym and weightwatchers for me but what other things to i want to achieve?

I’ve had a few ideas for maybe writing a book, so i intend to give myself time to develop that, and then I might let someone take a look.

Get stuck back in to my vintage clothing selling, volunteer work for charity or take a look into doing some more adult learning.

Passing my driving test is a big priority, after finally succeeding in my theory test it’s only the practical that stands between me and making getting from a to b a bit quicker to achieve.

However the most important thing on my list is to make sure I give my time and attention to those who I hold dear.

Not make excuses, put things off, say I’m too busy, maybe we can do it next year because as recent events over the world and even just here in this little family have shown me that you need to cherish every day because you never know what changes tomorrow might bring.

 

 MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRFROM THE NECK DOWN 5/1/2015

FROZEN

Like penguins in Antarctic conditions they huddle together to keep themselves warm.

With such beautiful plumage to show off who would want to cover it with a dowdy winter coat.

Warmed by cheap alcohol and laughter they scoff at me in my mittens, scarf and hat pulled down tight.

But when the temperature hits freezing as they pour out of pubs and clubs, and the taxi cabs are scarce and home is not within sight, as the pavement glitters with frost and cold wind starts to bite will short sleeves and bare legs seem like such great protection from the elements tonight.

Shivering and shaking as they battle against snow, rain or ice. Toes and fingers frostbitten, will it make them think twice about wearing something warm that they thought too cumbersome next time if they manage to get through this alive.

If not then they surely need to ask themselves;

Is being dressed to kill worth paying with my life?

MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 5/01/15