WEIGHT DROSS

"I felt I looked more beautiful than I've ever felt in my life, and I felt like it looked like me."

Those were the words of actress Amy Schumer upon seeing the finished result of her photo shoot for the newly revamped Pirelli calendar which has taken a sharp u turn from its usual ostentatious sexuality and scantily clad supermodels shot in tropical climates to focus on women’s strengths and achievements in a stunning set of images by Annie Leibowitz.

And that statement completely sums up what the photographer was attempting to achieve with her concept.

“The whole idea was not to have any pretense in these pictures, and to be straightforward and show these women exactly, like who they are “she said in a behind the scenes film of the making of the calendar.

And show them exactly as they are she has, shot in black and white, all but two of the shots are of  women celebrating their accomplishments fully clothed and those of Amy and Serena Williams are shot in such a way that the only thing the picture is revealing is their natural beauty and strong personalities.

Which is an amazing thing to project in this day and age of photoshopping, filters and airbrushing out of any imperfections.

 So quite why despite the fact that the image of Amy is truly striking in its simplicity and let’s hope truthful depiction of what a woman’s body looks like, some felt the need to take to social media to gripe that she had a little of something else that Pirelli is famous for around her belly area makes me so angry.

And the same goes for the story of the female commuters in London having cards shoved into their hands by a sad excuse for an organization calling themselves overweight hater’s ltd.

You’re fat stated one side of this horrendous claptrap and upon turning it over it became even more despicable with slurs on their supposed “greed” and how they were to blame for half the world being starving because of all the food they consume.

I can only imagine the idiots giving out this spiteful material think they’re being helpful in a twisted “tough love “kind of way.

However I’ve got news for you, take it from someone who has been up and down the weight loss and dress size chart several times over the decades.

If you already think you’re hideous someone else confirming it won’t miraculously lead to a huge moment of epiphany, in fact it’s more likely to send you on yet another downward spiral with a multi packet of crisps and a big bottle of wine to help you on your way.

Some people are happy and confident in themselves no matter what imperfections others might try to foist upon them as having and some need a little encouragement to like who they see in the mirror every day.

If anyone came up to these idiots or a member of their family and made slurs on their person based solely on a first glance I’m sure they’d be the first to complain so why is it ok for them to do it to a complete stranger .

 

In my experience, people who exhibit this sort of controlling, spiteful nature are more often than not doing it to compensate for their own insecurities.

So I put it to you, Overweight haters, that while you think you’re being big and clever by giving out these cards, is what you’re actually really doing some elaborate cover up of the fact that the ugly human being as described on the end of this hateful piece of rubbish, not in fact the person on the receiving end but the one that’s giving it out in the first place?

 

CAT CHRISTMAS

Let’s get this place scrubbed up for Christmas, polish, dusters, Hoover, mop at the ready.

Get into all those nooks and crannies because once those decorations and the tree go up I’ve got no chance of getting at them till the New Year.

Flick my feather duster over all the cobwebs; polish all surfaces till they shimmer.

Pull out armchairs and sofas and Hoover out what’s hidden below.

Scrub toilets, sinks and baths till they sparkle and glow.

 There’s just one little job left now, get the mop and a bucket of water and it’s a-washing I will go.

Swish swash it swipes across the tiles and they look as pure and clean as driven snow.

I step back to admire my handiwork and give myself a well earned pat on the back but who’s this strolling across my pristine white surfaces.

It’s my muddy pawed and so not bothered about it cats.

 

A STONE'S THROW

So I finally did it.

It may have taken me a bit longer than I anticipated and I can’t deny there have been a couple of times when I have wondered why I was bothering as I watched others streak ahead picking up award certificates and shedding pounds while I plodded along losing a little bit here and there.

However slowly but surely like the tortoise in the race against the hare, I’ve finally reached my first goal and lost a stone.

Clothes that I could barely zip up are now sliding on easily, I don’t dread looking in the mirror anymore and I was positively ecstatic upon taking a selfie recently to find my collection of double chins had become consigned to history.

It was the best Christmas gift I have ever given myself and it’s inspired me to keep at it even when the scales sometimes feel like they’re against me.

I hope you get everything you wish for this festive season and I’ll see you in the New Year.

Merry Christmas

Lots of love

Nina x

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN - MEDWAY MESSENGER

21/12/2015

Hello, from the other side...

Of 2015 that is.

By the time you read this we’ll be a couple of days into 2016 so as is customary in various areas of the media around this time I thought I’d take you on a trip back through the last 12 months to see what lessons I’ve learnt in a Girl from the neck down Review of the year.

With subjects as diverse as the tampon tax, Back to the future and smoking outside schools, not to mention not one but two displays of my questionable song writing abilities with a little help from Misters Rodgers, Hammerstein and Davies there’s a veritable box of delights to choose from so let’s get right on with this list shall we, kicking off quite aptly with;

1)New year’s resolutions – In concept a great subject to cover as Big Ben chimes in the  start of a new calendar ,in reality slightly gutting to read 9 months down the line when you realise you’ve made a lot of promises you just couldn’t keep .

2) “I’m not going to be the fat frumpy forty something bridesmaid “I proclaimed back in January. However as the wedding day dawned in July and the photographic evidence revealed I was more heavyweight than Tyson Fury I realised it was time to stop talking about losing weight and actually go out and do something about it and here I am entering the New Year a stone lighter and a whole lot happier.

3) Turning 40 wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be , I’m still the same fairly odd person I was before , I’m just a new and improved mature version of it ....mind you , I’m possibly pushing it slightly with use of the word mature !

4) Pulling people up on basic common courtesy is not wise unless you want a ringside seat of your own public flogging as they rip you to pieces on social media unaware that you are actually part of their group. However as your editor a point out it’s better to be talked about than not talked about.

5) Having a good moan about something will sometimes bear good fruit - I mean it might just be coincidence that since I had a moan about the constant mucking up of my other half’s prescriptions service from the surgery and pharmacy has greatly improved but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

6) Careful learner driver that I am it is beginning to make me wonder if my 13 year old twins will pass their test before I do at the rate I’m going.

7) Doctors appointments are about as easy to book up these days as buying tickets online for shows at the O2.

8)Talking of shows at the O2 , Madonna has reminded us that being in charge of your own clothing at all times is a good thing especially when wearing a ridiculous pair of heels perched on the top of a flight of steps .

9) Also please do be sure to purchase your tickets early when booking to partake in any show at the aforementioned arena, unless you want the reason you couldn’t see Michael McIntyre not to be because of someone tall sitting in front of you but because you were so high you might suffer an attack of vertigo .

And finally

10) If you are going to insist on visiting the dark side with your hair during the hottest day of summer, do make sure that the dye has been rinsed out thoroughly before venturing outside in the sweltering heat as the zebra striped face as it trickles down your forehead and collects in rivulets on your double chins is so not bang on trend this season.

So that’s 2015 wrapped up , let’s see what life has in store for me in 2016, good or bad I’m sure you’ll all be the first to know about it as i can’t resist sharing it all with you here so there remains only two things left for me to say

Thank you for reading

and

Happy new year x

 

 GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 4/01/2016

What a load of rubbish

Am I the only one who finds something quite sad and tragic in those days after the 25^th December as you start to see the rubbish and recycling being put out containing the remains of everyone’s Christmas?

For the past couple of weeks all that stuff has sat in preparation for the big day and now there it is just sitting by the side of the road forlornly waiting to be piled into the back of the refuse truck and taken away never to be seen again.

We give it no second thought as it waits there at the end of the drive and go about enjoying ourselves because it’s not our problem anymore.

Except when we take a look out the window and it’s still sitting there well into the afternoon then there we are on social media moaning about what a disgrace it is and giving the refuse men what for because its “ just not good enough “ of course.

Now come on get a bit of perspective, if you were a day behind on a job you normally had an extra day to do wouldn’t you struggle to achieve the unfair standards of productivity you’re imposing on them.

After all they’re only human like the rest of us, not our slaves.

Girl from the neck down column - Medway messenger 4/01 /2016

THOMAS BLAGHORN

A walk into Chatham throws up many questions but as I wandered down past the station last Monday, crossed the bus waiting area and emerged round the corner of the Alexandra pub, a sight caught my eye which sent my imagination into overdrive trying to come up with an amusing idea with which to explain it.

Was this someone’s failed attempt at a well known Chatham tradition, one usually fuelled by copious imbibement of alcohol mixed with high spirits , a practical joke that seemed like a good idea at the time until an attack of vertigo signalled that maybe it would be a good idea to abort this mission as they don’t relish the thought of spending the night sitting in Medway A&E.

No, my assumption is that Thomas Waghorn upon seeing a growing trend amongst street entertainers for pretending to be statues has decided to capitalize on his greatest skill and that there in front of him is his hat tossed down on the ground for any welcome donations.

PHOTO BY GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN

A DIFFERENT CLASS

Last week saw the 20th anniversary of the date that “ Different Class “ by Pulp was released.

Their big breakthrough album of the Britpop era , with songs that told stories that echoed how some of us were feeling .

My copy with its creases, broken case and still intact interchangeable front cover cards depicting cardboard cut-outs of the band placed in various locations looks every one of its 20 years but it’s still going strong after all this time and hidden away in the album sleeves is a caption that means just as much to me today as it did back then to all those mis-shapes who didn’t feel like they belonged in the places they lived in .

 “Please understand. We don’t want no trouble. We just want the right to be different that’s all “

A lesson there that many could learn from on judging people just because they’ve chosen not to be a sheep and stray from looking like what other people believe to be the norm.