STRICTLY ONE DANCING

Bring down the mirror ball, slip into your slinkiest sequinned costume and get your feet tapping in time to the beat as you pull your best dancing shoes on.

For strictly is back , shaking and shimmying its latest contestants collective funky stuff straight into our living rooms every weekend and adding sparkle to our lives as the darker nights and colder months draw in.

However while I love the style and grace that the dancers display as they take to the floor I have to admit that the whole couple dancing thing has never been something I feel particularly drawn towards doing .

 It’s not that I’ve got two left feet it’s just that any attempts at dancing with a partner have always felt awkward and like I’m one of the Chuckle brothers trying to singlehandedly shift a large wardrobe so in the words of Billy Idol and Generation X I’ll just stick to dancing with myself and carry on flying solo .

DOING IT WAGHORN STYLE ....

On a rare Friday night out and with time to spare before we made our way along to Sun Pier House for one of the brilliant Homespun festival gigs my partner and I decided to pay a visit to and sample the delights of the newest pub in town.

The old post office has certainly scrubbed up well in its new guise as the Thomas Waghorn.

 The surfaces are sparkling, the carpets are clean, the garden area is tidy and neat and apart from the fact some of the staff are obviously still only just finding their feet which I’m sure will improve once they get into the swing of things it very nearly earns itself a total thumbs up from me.

There is however something distinctly lacking in this palatial new establishment devoted to the man of Medway legend that once added would make its transformation complete.

For Thomas Waghorn just isn’t himself without his traffic cones I think you’ll all agree

DOING IT DOWNING STREET STYLE

Greetings fashion fans, it’s been a strange few weeks here in Westminster .

Changes are afoot, the big icons are sticking with the old classics that they know have served them well over the years, however hot on their heels and hoping to make their mark with their radical new directions and contemporary ideas are some exciting newcomers to the scene.

But before we get bogged down in all that serious running the country malarkey, let’s take a look at who reigns supreme as your favourite fashionista here in the style haven that is Downing Street in our affectionately titled showcase “ Politics Prêt a porter “

First up is David, sporting a fetching suit and tie combo, both are in a stunning shade of blue, a hue that not only matches his party allegiance but also his current mood too.

Following close behind him is George who has boldly accessorised his simple capsule wardrobe with a bold red vintage case that’s just the right side of tatty for that shabby chic look and a must have for transporting all those budget busting essentials to and from Parliament in.

Arriving in a cloud of wild peroxide tresses we have Boris doing that “got up and stepped almost immediately into a wind tunnel “dishevelled look he always does so well whilst hiding out in the shadows we have Nigel and Jeremy, both sporting a variation on that perennial style favourite , tweed .

Nigel opts for the country gent look that’s so popular with all the hipsters about town who wouldn’t know a pheasant from a grouse even if it flew up into their face and pecked its name into their forehead.

Meanwhile Jeremy styles his into a casual and easy going beatnik librarian look that not only makes him come across as completely approachable but also like the older, wiser brother of Mr Bean.

Now by the time you read this and have a chortle about how ridiculous it all seems, Theresa May will be firmly ensconced in her new role as our first female prime minister in nearly 26 years, so don’t you think it’s high time we stopped basing our judgements of her and any other female politicians on what they are wearing and their appearance and start taking notice of the important stuff that comes from that important organ that is situated between their ears.

MAYBE I'M HAVING SOME DEJA VU

Do you ever get that eerie feeling like you’ve done something or said something before?

Like the moment you’ve just experienced is so hauntingly similar to something you’ve previously encountered that it’s a little bit spooky, slightly unnerving and possibly even bordering on the brink of paranormal.

Well, before you shriek and call out the Ghostbusters to deal with this supernatural activity may I first please suggest that you check it’s not just being caused by the reading of your latest batch of daily Facebook memories.

I thought that maybe it was just me having weird déjà vu moments courtesy of this but it seems I’m not the only one as I’ve had a couple of other friends mention how  they’ve had things come up on it that echo something they’ve posted on there about recently.

Which makes you wonder, is it all just a coincidence or are our lives just one infinite circle of history repeating?

a fool and his money

A fool and his money are soon parted so goes the old saying.

 And there’s no fool quite like the one who showboats and flaunts his wealth in full view of everyone who has worked their guts out for him to achieve his millionaire status.

As Philip Green welcomes a new super yacht into his family and lives it up at parties with the cream of the supermodel and celebrity crop, BHS staff all across the country are setting up everything must go sales and winding up the closing down of their shops.

While he roasts himself on holiday beneath the bright Grecian sun, they’ll be toiling away as customers pick the store carcasses for that last bargain crumb.

He squirms when he’s questioned offering pitiful excuses while they have to carry on regardless being polite in the face of his rudeness.

They don’t know whether when they reach his age, they’ll have anything to live on, yet they’ll still give their all to their job as its sell by date fast approaches.

Having had the misfortune in my youth to have worked for one of the stores he’s bought then cast aside for something better I know how gutting it must be for those involved and who deserve to have been treated much better .

From the word go there seemed to be a lack of any kind of care for those actually involved in the day to day job of selling their products and customer service, as long as the money was rolling in for them to spend on their frivolities it didn’t matter that their big plans and clever tricks were actually duds in disguise and sending the companies in question towards financial ruin.

Area managers were drafted in that had impressive university degrees but no idea what it was actually like to work on a shop floor then couldn’t understand why their latest big idea for how to sell to the public didn’t have the crowds surging through the front door.

And so when it all went pear shaped they all jumped ship and left the poor abandoned crews to guide their vessels on one last voyage that would end up with them being shipwrecked on the shore.

A knight of the realm should above all else show great bravery and courtesy decrees a search of the chivalric code on Wikipedia whilst trying to find out what it takes to be bestowed with the title of Sir, so maybe  Philip Green should read up a bit on his job title and do his honourable duty instead of playing the jester with those who could set him up for an almighty fall.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Been part of a team who‘ve come up with a brilliant new idea and worked really hard to get it running to its full potential or a group that uses all its members’ powers to its best abilities to get the result it wants.

And sometimes there will be one member of the crew who for one reason or another stands out as the star of the squad that everyone gravitates towards despite the fact the rest of the bunch have all shown the same level of dedication and it becomes quite gutting that this lone individual gets all the praise while they are rendered invisible.

So you can understand why Dan Goodfellow’s mum upon her son being part of an Olympic medal winning synchronised duo was bluer than the Rio diving pool used to be when nearly every photo covering the story the next day only showed Tom Daley. 

Now then, as you may know if you read my column regularly, Jamie Oliver and I don’t always agree on things.

Whilst I wholeheartedly have gotten behind the removal of turkey twizzlers and the like from school menu’s so  that some children might have at least one healthy meal in their day, we did fall out slightly this year over his comment that breast feeding is easy despite the fact as far as I know he’s never actually lactated.

He has however since apologised for that statement and as a result my one woman comedy show “ the naked breast “ never got past it’s pilot episode .

So now, Master Oliver and I are back as bosom buddies once again, there was a slight slip when I suggested maybe he’d been indulging in a few too many of his slightly richer recipes when he appeared outside parliament in a fleecy hoodie that made him look chunkier than normal and implied he should practise what he preaches as after all ladies aren’t we forever being force-fed the fact that the best way to drop weight after the birth of a newborn is to breastfeed.

 However I was soon chastised for my fat shaming and we swiftly moved on with our lives which this week has seen Jamie and his lovely wife Jools welcome the fifth Oliver into their fold.

Baby boy, who has yet to be named but weighed in at the same amount as 16 packs of butter so we’re told, and mum are doing well and were allowed to go home that same afternoon but what has really got everyone talking is the fact that some of the younger members of the Oliver brood were allowed into the delivery room as he was being born.

Older sisters Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo aged 14 and 12 respectively, were granted entry towards the end of their mothers labour to cut their new baby brothers umbilical cord and now the world and its panel of amateur experts are up in arms about whether they should have been exposed to the “brutality of labour “in all its glory at all.

So I have to, controversially some might say, agree wholeheartedly that yes it was a good idea with the midwife’s consent for the girls to be quite so involved in the proceedings.

For maybe if more kids, girls as well as boys, were to witness firsthand the gory and bloody real life version of what pregnancy and having babies involves instead of the sugar coated Instagram filtered adaption some celebrity magazines and social media present to them as being their ideal dream to aim for then maybe it could achieve in getting through to them something that school sex education lessons have tried to do for years.