lindy flop

Technically I should have been a natural at the new hobby I decided to try recently.

After all as a youngster I’d received certificates for doing just such a pastime, in fact I’d even appeared on stage at the central theatre in one of the company’s annual shows doing something similar and as far as I was concerned I had at least a reasonable sense of timing that should have meant it wouldn’t take me too long to pick things up as I went along.

However it soon became obvious as the Lindy Hop for beginners class at Rochester’s Dance Junction that I’d decided to attend began that maybe I’d been a little presumptuous in the rating of my own dancing ability.

You see as I’ve previously mentioned in this column I’m fairly nimble on my feet when flying solo on the dance floor , it’s just that once another body is thrown into that equation and starts cluttering up my personal space that problems arise and the whole thing becomes a bit of a recipe for disaster.

I lost count of the number of gentlemen’s toes I must have trodden on as we rotated in a circle, changing partners as we went and eventually took to starting every new partnership with “I’m sorry for what is about to happen “just so the next victim knew what they were letting themselves in for as I tried to master the simple routine of rock step, triple, triple.

Gutted though I was by the end that I wasn’t going to be a dead cert for winning finalist on the next series of Strictly, I’m not going to let the discovery that I do indeed suffer from that very tragic ailment “two left feet” get me down and I’m going to give it another couple of attempts before I decide that maybe the population of Medway’s tootsies are better off if I hang up my boogie woogie swing dance shoes forever.

That said I would suggest however if you’re a male pondering over whether you’d like to join this particular class, looking into if there is such a thing as steel toe capped dance footwear.

Knowledge is power isn’t that how the old saying goes?

If we have all the right details to hand then we should be invincible and there should be nothing that stands between us and a problem free existence.

It amazes me therefore how some companies expect you to guess how their items work and then let you in on their little trade secrets after its gone wrong instead of including the much needed information in their product leaflets.

Naming no names but let’s just say it was a vacuuming appliance giving me some gip, I found out a whole lot of things that I should have been doing  from the gent who came to fix it that weren’t ever mentioned  whilst we were purchasing or in the literature thereafter to prevent my appliance burning out so fast .

So does it not occur to those at the top that if they were to be a little less vague about how to use their items successfully they’d maybe have slightly fewer irate customers to deal with

Face full of cold sores, bags under my eyes due to lack of sleep because of the discomfort an irritating infection was giving me  it was probably no wonder a friend took me quietly aside this week and asked if i was feeling ok because I didn’t look at all well as the evidence was so plain to see.

We take it for granted don’t we sometimes that being ill must involve some distinguishable sign as proof of our ailment yet there are so many illnesses people struggle with that aren’t always visible to the naked eye but doesn’t mean they are any less real .

Depression , anxiety , dementia, endometriosis, colitis , irritable bowel syndrome , fibromyalgia  are just some of the chronic conditions that the team behind the Sick –living with invisible illness exhibition are attempting to facilitate more empathy and understanding for .

So get yourselves along to see their project at Sun pier house between 4th and 27^th August and learn a bit more about how just because someone doesn’t look like they’re ill it doesn’t mean that they aren’t .

Theresa May , would it be pertinent of me to ask  if you ever get the feeling as prime minister of our country that you’re being pursued on all sides by people who don’t care a jot for you or your feelings.

That they won’t stop chasing you until you’re a nervous ,exhausted wreck who doesn’t know which way to turn .

 Trapped between wanting to run for your life but so worn out you have no energy to fight anymore so concede your life to the gruesome fate that awaits you as you are torn limb from limb by a baying pack of hounds that have been snapping at your feet while a twisted audience looks on and applauds the dreadful barbarity of the scene playing out before them.

Does life as Premier ever feel like that to you, Mrs May?

For if it does then maybe you should take this into consideration when offering support for repealing the current ban on fox hunting.

Chicken burgers and meat pies, who’d have thought they would be to blame for some of footballs biggest drama’s this year.

Now as you’ll know if you read my column regularly I never proclaim to be the game of two halves biggest expert, however you will find I am the first to pull it up on its crazy double standards when it comes to yet another manager being sacked for how badly his team are playing.

Claudio Ranieri worked hard with his team to get them to the standard that rewarded them with the title premier league champions last season; however it’s rumoured that because he was making changes to diet regimes players had become unhappy with him and were expressing their feelings by way of their lacklustre performance on the pitch.

Now maybe it’s just me but surely if the ones eluding to what can only be described as toddler tantrum behaviour were threatened with the chop instead of the manager perhaps they might miraculously remember that being part of a cup winning team is more about having a real appetite for the sport rather than indulging in fowl play.

Dropping your repeat prescription off?

 Why not post it in our special box to save time waiting in the queue.

Strapped for time to get to the surgery to pick it up because of work or other commitments?

Enroll in our scheme whereby a representative collects it and deposits it at the pharmacy and to make things even easier, how about investing in a pre paid card to save having to wait whilst they tot up how much all this medication is going to cost you.

All brilliant ideas designed to save patients time I think you’ll agree, however the objective behind them is completely destroyed if like the last couple of times I’ve gone to pick up medication from my local pharmacy I’ve had to wait around half an hour for a prescription “just being done up for you now “that has been going through all these quick fix measures for over a week.

 

 

Dogs, man’s best friend, like one of the family, faithful to the end.

There’s no doubt we do love our canine companions as a nation however some people really do need reminding that while yes they are like a close relative to them ,they are still in fact animals that require a certain amount of responsibility to be involved in their care .

Like children, they need to be allowed to run free and let loose, both for exercise and to alleviate boredom.

They need to feel the grass under their feet and have space to roam to prevent them from becoming tired and irritable.

And they need someone who can keep control of the situation calmly and efficiently should any problem or altercation arise.

Many dog owners are aware of that and take the relevant precautions to make sure their daily regime is a pleasurable experience for all, not just themselves and their hounds but the general public also, however as with most things there will always be those who think they are the exception to that rule .

They will argue with you that their dog is so soppy, wouldn’t hurt a fly , a big softie and that’s why they don’t  need to  walk it with a lead on but do they really know what could happen in the blink of an eye or a split second .

Humans are not adverse to out of character meltdowns should something take them by surprise or they are pushed to their uppermost limits so could we really be sure our darling ,dopey pets wouldn’t react the same should an unexpected red mist descend ?

Unless we have studied the dog psyche greatly I’m guessing no would be the answer to that question so i think it would be wise given events recently that if you own a dog it is better to exhibit responsibility in knowing when and where it is suitable to let them off the leash without there being danger to others because who knows no matter how great or small your pooch might be you can never quite be sure if they will unexpectedly exhibiting the primal urge of the pack mentality .