KNOCK, KNOCK , WHO'S THERE?

You know what it’s like, you’ve just got in from the school run or work and all you want to do is kick off your shoes and relax or make a start on getting the kids dinner ready.

Things are going well until suddenly there’s a rapping on your door knocker and before you have a chance to say “no thanks I’m not interested” the person with the I.D lanyard and clipboard is running through their spiel without stopping for breath.

Nothing will stop them from trying to get you to sign up for whatever it is they’re trying to sell, not even the sound of the fire alarm going off as dinner burns to a cinder or a screaming baby.

And even as you grow more annoyed and less polite it’s like water off a ducks back to them.

So let’s just get one thing straight shall we , I know you’re only trying to make a living but if I was really interested in what you’re trying to sell me I’d go out and find it for myself not spend the evening signing up for it on my doorstep in the rain.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN MEDWAY MESSENGER 19/01/2015

ONLINE NOT ALWAYS ON TIME

Of course I knew I was cutting it a bit fine but with time running out to get into town to buy that last minute Christmas present request I reasoned that even if it wasn’t there for the big day itself at least if I ordered it online they should have it at the latest by New Year.

The estimated delivery stated it would be scheduled to arrive sometime between 22^nd December and 6^th January and with an email on 17^th informing me that it had been dispatched I was quietly confident my boys wouldn’t have to wait too long after the 25th to get the game they were so looking forward to playing.

However Christmas week came and went with no sign of arrival and as 2015 chimed in we began to grow impatient.

The boys packed their bags and returned to school on 6th yet still their main Christmas gift was nowhere to be seen.

Every day for the next week they would arrive home full of hope that maybe today was the day it would finally arrive but as the week progressed they were only to become more and more disappointed.

 As the weekend came and went and the parcel became 5 days overdue of its estimated delivery date I fired off an email asking just exactly how much longer the wait for it was likely to be.

 To which we were informed that while the item had certainly been dispatched by the company on the 17^th, the courier had lost it somewhere in transit so they had issued us with a refund forthwith.

Which in normal circumstances I would’ve been happy about but now here I was nearly a month later back where I’d started with nothing to show for all that time we’d been waiting.

 Sure, it’s a great thing to get your money back when you’ve had poor service but the much awaited game would have been far more appreciated.

So fed up with having to wait any longer off into town I went the next morning and finally my boys got to cash in the I.O.U I’d handed them for just dance 2015 on Christmas Day.

I suppose then that the moral of this story is that while online shopping is far more convenient in certain aspects there’s nothing more reliable than getting your hands on the real thing on the high street.

 GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 19/01/2015

TALKIN ABOUT A RESOLUTION ...

Here we are, it’s my 1st column of 2015 and as I diligently fill in the pages of the diary I received for Christmas I wonder what resolutions we’ve all been making for the coming year.

Chances are by the time you read this some of us have already broken our promises we were so keen to keep on New Year’s Eve 2014 but there may still be a staunch few of us out there that really do mean to see theirs all the way through in 2015.

Some may be through necessity and others through whimsy but whether it be a small lifestyle makeover or big life changing decision we’ll stick to it with military like precision to make sure we achieve the goal we are seeking.

So what are my plans as we step into this New Year?

Well with two big events in my life approaching in the summer that faithful old chestnut of many a resolution list appears.

For with my 40^th birthday looming into sight in June I intend my age to be the only big statement number about me not the size of my ballooning waistline.

 So with the inspiration of a vintage dress that belonged to my grandmother I hope to cut a much slimmer, fitter figure as I hit the dance floor at my party in six months time.

And a few weeks after that I’ll be taking on my debut bridesmaid role for which i don’t intend to be the fat frumpy forty something bridesmaid next to my much younger colleagues so it’ll be off to the gym and weightwatchers for me but what other things to i want to achieve?

I’ve had a few ideas for maybe writing a book, so i intend to give myself time to develop that, and then I might let someone take a look.

Get stuck back in to my vintage clothing selling, volunteer work for charity or take a look into doing some more adult learning.

Passing my driving test is a big priority, after finally succeeding in my theory test it’s only the practical that stands between me and making getting from a to b a bit quicker to achieve.

However the most important thing on my list is to make sure I give my time and attention to those who I hold dear.

Not make excuses, put things off, say I’m too busy, maybe we can do it next year because as recent events over the world and even just here in this little family have shown me that you need to cherish every day because you never know what changes tomorrow might bring.

 

 MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRFROM THE NECK DOWN 5/1/2015

FROZEN

Like penguins in Antarctic conditions they huddle together to keep themselves warm.

With such beautiful plumage to show off who would want to cover it with a dowdy winter coat.

Warmed by cheap alcohol and laughter they scoff at me in my mittens, scarf and hat pulled down tight.

But when the temperature hits freezing as they pour out of pubs and clubs, and the taxi cabs are scarce and home is not within sight, as the pavement glitters with frost and cold wind starts to bite will short sleeves and bare legs seem like such great protection from the elements tonight.

Shivering and shaking as they battle against snow, rain or ice. Toes and fingers frostbitten, will it make them think twice about wearing something warm that they thought too cumbersome next time if they manage to get through this alive.

If not then they surely need to ask themselves;

Is being dressed to kill worth paying with my life?

MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 5/01/15

 

 

GET A LIFE , NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

Here you can have this shouts the woman with rage in her eyes as she flings the jewellery stand at the girl behind the till because in her preoccupation at getting all the bargains she’s headbutted it and slightly hurt herself.

This place is rubbish, let’s go somewhere else squeal the gang of teenagers as they dump everything they’ve been trying on in a huge mound of the changing room floor.

You’re useless rants the man in the assistants face as they have been unable to get the item he’s left it till the last minute to buy for his Mrs. and now it’s sold out everywhere

It’s been a long time since I’ve spent the Christmas period serving people in the retail industry but hearing the way some other people treat and speak to those that are trying to help them just brings the horror of it all back and at times makes me ashamed to be a human being .

So this season of goodwill please remember that that shop assistant has a life too, they’re not just there to be abused by you during the Christmas period.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 15/12/14

Storm in a D CUP

BREASTS!

Whoops, am I being a little overly ostentatious for you?

Sorry, I can be a bit of a handful at times, but in a week where the NHS proposed that mothers should ideally breastfeed their babies until they’re 18 months old as it would save them nearly 50 million a year, it’s still slightly odd to me that some people find something that’s so natural so offensive and think that mother and baby should put away in a corner.

For let’s be honest here  , the majority of mums who are nursing their babies out in the bosom of public life aren’t going out of their way to do it for titillation purposes , they’re just trying to give their child the nourishment it needs to be fit and healthy.

Which is more than can be said for the celeb in the see through dress leaving nothing to the imagination at a glitzy awards ceremony in the pages of your glossy magazine or the topless girl in the tabloid newspaper that’ll be read over many a morning coffee or tea.

They’re not being ushered away to “somewhere more discreet “, being told to cover themselves with a tablecloth or napkin or hidden away in a disabled toilet because they’re offending somebody.

Rihanna , at a fashion event is applauded for being a major style icon in a dress that would’ve had even the emperor famous for his new clothing  blushing at the pop queen in the altogether.

 But a new mum whips one out discreetly over afternoon tea and suddenly she and all those like her are being discussed and advised by middle aged political males on what they should or shouldn’t be doing to make sure Mr and Mrs Easily offended don’t get uppity whilst consuming their milky latte.

The thing is breast feeding is nobody else’s business but mother and baby’s .Chances are new mum doesn’t really want you to be having a good gawp at her being a milk machine either and will try to be discreet as she can possibly be to avoid drawing attention to herself .

So maybe, knockers of public breast feeding should just follow her lead, let her get on with it and look away if it’s something they don’t want to see.

For by making a fuss about it and causing a scene surely they risk making themselves look like the most overexposed boob of all ?


GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 15/12/14

 

NEVER THE BRIDESMAID , NEVER THE BRIDE ?

I was beginning to wonder if it was just a role I was never cut out to play.

Maybe I’m not feminine enough.

I’ve never been that girly  I admit , false nails , fake tan , hair extensions , they’re pretty much alien to me .

Who wants to waste time that could be spent having fun on using straighteners and not being able to pick things up because their long talons get in the way?

As for spending an evening covering yourself in brown gloop that stains the sheets and virtually anything else it comes in contact with, well that’s just not my cup of tea.

Next July though I’ve been chosen to fill one of the most ladylike roles ever and I’m hoping I can do it justice.

So please let me introduce to you, at the wedding of her brother Ross and lovely wife to be Hannah.

Miss Nina Page, making her debut performance as a bridesmaid at the grand old age of 40.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 01/12/14