MEDWAY COUNCIL - THE SEQUEL

I bet you thought it was just pure fluke didn’t you?

That it was a once in a lifetime moment and couldn’t be repeated or sustained to that high level of service in a million years without some slip up being made or someone thinking “ alright ,she’s had her allotted amount of our time let’s forget about her and sweep that problem back under the carpet where it belongs now ” .

I refer of course to the subject of my column a fortnight ago and how Medway council had exceeded my expectations in getting a repair job completed within 24 hours of me reporting it to them.

 Not only that but they had kept me posted all along the way with what actions had been taken and if you remember I ended that particular piece by writing jokingly the threat “don’t think this is the last you’ve heard from me yet” after noticing that unfortunately all their hard work had already started to be undone by those who care not a jot for things looking nice and tidy.

However, come the start of the week the paper containing that particular column went on sale and preoccupied by a son whose new school shoes were according to him akin to slipping his foot inside a bacon slicer, I have to admit that broken bits of fencing and being an eco warrior were the last things on my mind.

So when a call from an unknown number flashed up on my mobile the following day I chose to ignore it assuming that if it was important they would leave a message and if not it could intercept yet another annoying PPI compensation cold call.

“Oh, here we go “I thought as the answer phone icon pinged up on the corner of my phone screen “press 9 to find out about how I am supposedly due compensation for PPI I was miss-sold despite the fact I’ve never taken a loan or owned a credit card “but as I listened to the message I was pleasantly surprised.

For instead of a minutes worth of silence or an automated voice telling me to press a certain number to find out how to stake my claim, what I actually heard was Medway council calling to say that after reading Monday’s column they had sent someone out to have a look at the fence again, that it had been repaired once more and they would keep a close eye on it to make sure that it was being maintained.

Now the cynical among you and I can’t say I blame you, would probably argue that maybe if I wasn’t a columnist for the local newspaper they might not have been quite so keen to get the job done so quickly and efficiently.

However as they didn’t know that was who I was the first time round it just goes to show sometimes  a lot can be achieved if you swap the ranting and raving for a little politeness , patience and praise.

School of thought

Thomas Waghorn and his joy of cone shaped headgear, the fact that the gap across the top of “Chatham Bogs” has been boarded up so that the pigeons can no longer fly in there to shelter and the house that has what the occupiers obviously think is a beautiful decorative vase in their front window but which unbeknownst to them from the outside looks like Cartman from South Park perched upon their window sill.

I notice a whole host of different things as I walk into town instead of catching a bus on a Monday morning but one thing in particular stood out to me this week as I passed a couple of buildings beset with heavy metal gates and fencing and walls lined with barbed and razor wire .

I get that all this stuff is there for our children’s safety and security, but is it just me or are a lot of our schools starting to look like prisons from the outside?

Medway council

Medway council, they’re not always on the receiving end of the best compliments are they?

Like Marmite, Eastenders and Simon Cowell we either love them or hate them and there never seems to be anything in between.

So I would imagine at this point in proceedings and influenced by the fact I’m your local newspaper columnist you’d think this was going to be yet another rant by someone on something they’ve done wrong or made a right pigs ear out of , but that would be where you were sorely mistaken.

For stand back in amazement I am in fact on this occasion going to sing the praises of our borough council.

It all begins in the alleyway just off Bradfields Avenue in Walderslade that my kids have to walk along on their way to and fro from school.

On either side of the public footpath wire mesh fencing has been erected to separate the alleyway from the gardens and houses of residents.

However over time bits of the fence have been broken and deliberately pulled out at dangerous angles which means that getting along there without catching yourself or items of clothing on it is a major achievement especially when it seems to be the latest popular meeting place for the students of the surrounding schools to congregate in before morning registration.

To start off with I was quite happy with just telling them to be careful and watch where they were going with regards to it but when one of them ripped a massive hole in the arm in his old school coat on one of the sharp points and another had a near miss with his new coat which being slightly less padded  also left him with a surface scratch to his arm through the material I knew it was time someone did something about it before it wasn’t just clothing getting ripped but someone’s skin or a child’s face.

Logging onto the council website I sent off an email telling them exactly where the problem was and resigned myself to the fact it would probably take months for them to deal with it.

However I was to be proved wrong when just 24 hours later I received a telephone message on my mobile saying that work had been completed and the offending bit of fence was now secured out of harm’s way with cable ties.

So it’s a well done and thank you to the workers of Medway council this time, however I’m gutted to report that by the time I finally got round to inspecting  all your hard work someone has already made  a start on ruining it all again so don’t be surprised if this isn’t the last you hear from me yet !

CLOSE TO THE EDGE

Even the drabbest days seem better with a soundtrack I’m often heard to say.

Sitting in front of my keyboard on a rather wet and windy Wednesday my spirits are far from being dampened with the likes of Carmen Miranda, The Beach Boys and Harry Belafonte pumping from my stereo reminding me of warmer weather.

And when I’m on the move it’s no different, I can often be seen with a pair of headphones attached to an ancient CD walkman, bopping along to my favourite tunes as I wend my merry way around the Medway towns.

Yet however much lost in music I might be, I do make sure that no matter what when it comes to having to cross any kind of road I disconnect from the wall of sound going on in my head but it’s definitely something I see plenty of people guilty of not doing .

As Grandmaster Flash once said “don’t step out when you’re close to the edge “because if you’re not giving traffic your full attention there’s a chance might lose more than just your head.

MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 01 /02/16

I have since realised that I may have confused the lyrics of grandmaster flash's the message with this 80's road safety campaign spoof of it so apologies for that Mr Grandmaster Flash

 https://youtu.be/PK_MLA01YrU

New front door woes

The ultimate composite door, bringing you the optimum in security.

Sounds impressive, huh and I have to say I’m ultimately very pleased with the result.

With a complex locking system that involves a lot of twists, turns, ups and downs it’s like Fort Knox here as trying to crack that code becomes a challenge worthy of the Crystal Maze, the big prize being that the door opens when you get them in the right order but woe betide you if you get it wrong as it becomes an immediate lock out and you have to start the process all over again.

So it’s best to keep a clear head when in operation of this bit of technical gadgetry, it doesn’t pay to lose concentration in this game.

 The good news is burglars will have a struggle to get in through our new front door; the bad news is that so do I!

MEDWAY MESSENGER - GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - 18/01/2016

“I don’t know where I’m going from here but i promise it won’t be boring “ - My Bowie tribute

Regular readers of my column will have noticed by now that like Chris Packham on one of the BBC’s seasonal nature watch programmes I do like to insert some of my favourite song lyrics and titles into my writing when I think I can get away with it, sometimes even going the whole hog and re-writing a whole song just to get across the point of whatever subject is particularly getting on my goat that week.

So it would have been all too easy to start this with any number of lines from one of this particular artist’s catalogue of amazing lyrics.

However there are far too many to choose from and whatever I did write would probably not go anywhere near to explaining just how gutted I was to find out that David Bowie had passed away after a battle with pancreatic cancer last Monday.

The first I knew of it was when I happened to glance up at the TV screen on the Sky stall in the Pentagon to be confronted by a montage of his music video’s under which ran the yellow breaking news banner “ David Bowie dies aged 69  “

“No way , that can’t be right , I’ve read that wrong “  was my initial reaction but as I opened up Facebook  on my phone and saw my timeline filled with sad faces and favourite tracks  I realised I had indeed read it correctly.

Born in the mid 70’s I was a bit young to have experienced him in his glam rock heyday. My only real recollection of his music as a youngster being that when I was in primary school one of the classes big numbers for the school concert was an interpretation of Space Oddity in which the majority of the class danced round wearing white to represent stars in the night sky as a lone child in a space helmet stood in the middle playing the part of Major Tom.

However as an awkward teen just beginning to realise that my taste in music and clothes lay in a different era and a world away from those of my top 40 and teenybopper loving peers I discovered there was a whole different side to the singer of Lets dance and star of Absolute Beginners .

In David Bowie I found someone who like myself wasn’t always comfortable in the person they were so created an alter ego who let them become the confident person they always wished they could be.

In this guise he spoke up for all those who considered themselves a kook , a scary monster or a supercreep and let them know it was ok if you were a bit weird and even that you should embrace it  and ultimately if you tired of being one way there was no shame in reinventing yourself as something completely different .

So thank you for being one of a kind , being unique and helping all those people who thought they were aliens to believe that they were pretty things too , David and to end this column I leave it down to this quote from you .

“I don’t know where I’m going from here but i promise it won’t be boring “

A brilliant motto we should all take inspiration from to live every day of our lives to the full.

MEDWAY MESSENGER -GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 18/01/2016

 

WEIGHT DROSS

"I felt I looked more beautiful than I've ever felt in my life, and I felt like it looked like me."

Those were the words of actress Amy Schumer upon seeing the finished result of her photo shoot for the newly revamped Pirelli calendar which has taken a sharp u turn from its usual ostentatious sexuality and scantily clad supermodels shot in tropical climates to focus on women’s strengths and achievements in a stunning set of images by Annie Leibowitz.

And that statement completely sums up what the photographer was attempting to achieve with her concept.

“The whole idea was not to have any pretense in these pictures, and to be straightforward and show these women exactly, like who they are “she said in a behind the scenes film of the making of the calendar.

And show them exactly as they are she has, shot in black and white, all but two of the shots are of  women celebrating their accomplishments fully clothed and those of Amy and Serena Williams are shot in such a way that the only thing the picture is revealing is their natural beauty and strong personalities.

Which is an amazing thing to project in this day and age of photoshopping, filters and airbrushing out of any imperfections.

 So quite why despite the fact that the image of Amy is truly striking in its simplicity and let’s hope truthful depiction of what a woman’s body looks like, some felt the need to take to social media to gripe that she had a little of something else that Pirelli is famous for around her belly area makes me so angry.

And the same goes for the story of the female commuters in London having cards shoved into their hands by a sad excuse for an organization calling themselves overweight hater’s ltd.

You’re fat stated one side of this horrendous claptrap and upon turning it over it became even more despicable with slurs on their supposed “greed” and how they were to blame for half the world being starving because of all the food they consume.

I can only imagine the idiots giving out this spiteful material think they’re being helpful in a twisted “tough love “kind of way.

However I’ve got news for you, take it from someone who has been up and down the weight loss and dress size chart several times over the decades.

If you already think you’re hideous someone else confirming it won’t miraculously lead to a huge moment of epiphany, in fact it’s more likely to send you on yet another downward spiral with a multi packet of crisps and a big bottle of wine to help you on your way.

Some people are happy and confident in themselves no matter what imperfections others might try to foist upon them as having and some need a little encouragement to like who they see in the mirror every day.

If anyone came up to these idiots or a member of their family and made slurs on their person based solely on a first glance I’m sure they’d be the first to complain so why is it ok for them to do it to a complete stranger .

 

In my experience, people who exhibit this sort of controlling, spiteful nature are more often than not doing it to compensate for their own insecurities.

So I put it to you, Overweight haters, that while you think you’re being big and clever by giving out these cards, is what you’re actually really doing some elaborate cover up of the fact that the ugly human being as described on the end of this hateful piece of rubbish, not in fact the person on the receiving end but the one that’s giving it out in the first place?