There it is, in bold black letters on a stark white background.
The red circle with a line through its middle clearly denoting
that whatever it’s trying to say, it means that under no circumstances should
you be doing it here.
But there’s always one isn’t there, always one who thinks
that they can find a way to buck that system, that whatever prohibition it’s on
about it doesn’t imply to them.
And where one goes, there’s always plenty of sheep to follow
, aware that maybe that’s not quite what they should be doing but if the Smart
Alec ringleader is prepared to brave it out then so should they for fear of
being rejected from the “ cool “ gang as the outcast who dared to follow the
rules.
So there they are standing in their usual spot, like a
gaggle of aged Pink Ladies at the Rydell High reunion.
Except instead of cadging a sneaky peak of a crafty ciggie
behind the bike sheds whilst simultaneously receiving a hickey from Kenickie,
these days it’s a major league chuffing and moaning session shrouded in the
protection of the nearest bus shelter.
No matter that their plush smoking establishment is situated
in the middle of a busy route to the local primary school, for they care not a jot.
They’re rebels with a cause, a band of forthright enigma’s cloaked in a cape of
nicotine putting the education world to rights from the metal and glass perch
on which they sit, spying on the enemy and gathering information on their
nemesis’s from their secret lair.
Or at least that was until last week, when overnight a stealthy
ninja council worker slapped not one but two “it is against the law to smoke in
this bus shelter “signs on their hideout of choice and they turned up early
that next morning to get their parking space right by the school only to find
they had been evicted.
“ What an outrage” came the uproar from the disgruntled
coven as I and possibly many others let out a collective evil “ mwahaha “ under
our breaths at their annoyance and the thought that the air might be a bit less
toxic for all the children that have to pass by them every day.
But our triumph was to be short-lived, for like all evil
geniuses they weren’t content to concede with defeat in this battle and come
the middle of this week they dealt the ace that they had concealed up their tobacco
scented sleeves.
For the leader of the pack, let’s call her Rizzo for now
shall we, had discovered a loophole in how to get round this preposterous
ruling.
Like a fox with a university degree in cunning, she had
spotted that while the signs stated it was against the law to smoke inside the shelter,
there was nothing to say they weren’t permitted to smoke standing next to it.
“How careless of them to not be specific “she chortled to
herself at getting the upper hand on the law and the Benson and Hedges avengers
assembled once more the following morning, completely missing the point of why
they were being asked not smoke there and revelling in their deviousness as
they exhaled right into the path of oncoming parents and small children, making
it look as though they were emerging through the billowing dry ice on Stars in
their eyes.
“Tonight Harry, I’m going to be inhaling tar and carbon
monoxide “
But what about their own children, I hear you ask, where are
they during all these proceedings?
And I say worry not dear citizen, for they are fine, there
they are residing inside the protective confines of their parent’s vehicle.
Windows done up tight to prevent the toxic fumes getting in
and doors locked to stop them getting out and running into the path of drivers
during the school run madness.
Good gracious ,what kind of parents do you take them for exactly,
for only selfish ones would put their children in danger of contact with something that could
harm them, wouldn’t they ?
GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN 16/02/ 2015
MEDWAY MESSENGER
