Unexpected shopper in the packing area

It’s supposed to make our lives easier so the boffins at supermarket HQ would have us believe   ,  promoted as a time saving device  that means we’ll be home sipping  a lovely hot beverage before those slowcoaches stood in the queues have even had a chance to get out their bags for life .

But then of course we try to use the self service checkout and all that positive spiel we’ve heard just goes straight out the window.

There it stands gloating at you in all its technical glory promising you such efficiency then the minute it has you hoodwinked into believing the hype, proceeds to hold you up in any way it can.

It doesn’t care whether you’re in a hurry or have all the time in the world, its only goal is to see just how many times and for how many stupid reasons it can stop you going about your daily business within one shopping trip.

From unexpected items in the packing area which clearly it should have expected as you’ve just scanned and put them there to promotions it doesn’t really want to be dealing with because it’s  an mighty computerised evil genius, it’ll make you stand there under the embarrassing flashing red beacon of gloom till a poor human minion has a moment to come and help you sort out your problem with its special device and secret code to release the information needed.

And naturally there will only be one of them to deal with the customers swearing under their breath and preparing to put their fist through the glass screen of the scanner because the last thing self checkout wants to do is let anyone make a quick getaway.

Here stands a woman with only 3 items in her basket “that shouldn’t take long” she foolishly thinks without realising checkout has other ideas for her. Not only will it call the assistant over  once within this transaction to check understandably that she’s old enough to be purchasing superglue but also a further 2 times to check the item it’s asking her to “ please put back into the bag “ is definitely there when its clearly in the bag for all to see .

And god help you should your handbag or coat slightly graze the sensitive scanning area ,sending into a complete tantrum and  refusing to do anything for another few precious minutes.

After a bit of soothing from the minion though it will eventually calm down again and now it’s time for you to make your payment .If it’s with a card that’s fine and it’ll all be over and done with quickly and easily once you’ve partaken the barrage of questions for cash back and entered your pin number .

However if you’ve decided to pay with that outdated and old fashioned currency of actual money don’t expect to be getting away quite so swiftly.

Unless your notes are straight out the cash point new and pristine it’s not going to be having any of it until you’ve inserted it at least 5 times whereby once it’s had its fun with you like a cat with a mouse it’ll finally stop rejecting it and gobble it up .

And as for coins it will be just as picky with them even going so far as to develop an allergy to certain denominations and refuse to take them despite the fact they’ll quite happily spit them out in your change.

Eventually though you’ll finally conclude your transaction and you glance round at those who still choose to use the old slow people powered tills to gloat about how much time you’ve saved scanning your own shopping. But you’re too late they’re long gone and already at home savouring that hot beverage after receiving service with a smile instead of a technological nervous breakdown.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN -MEDWAY MESSENGER 19/05/14