DOING IT WAGHORN STYLE ....

On a rare Friday night out and with time to spare before we made our way along to Sun Pier House for one of the brilliant Homespun festival gigs my partner and I decided to pay a visit to and sample the delights of the newest pub in town.

The old post office has certainly scrubbed up well in its new guise as the Thomas Waghorn.

 The surfaces are sparkling, the carpets are clean, the garden area is tidy and neat and apart from the fact some of the staff are obviously still only just finding their feet which I’m sure will improve once they get into the swing of things it very nearly earns itself a total thumbs up from me.

There is however something distinctly lacking in this palatial new establishment devoted to the man of Medway legend that once added would make its transformation complete.

For Thomas Waghorn just isn’t himself without his traffic cones I think you’ll all agree

DOING IT DOWNING STREET STYLE

Greetings fashion fans, it’s been a strange few weeks here in Westminster .

Changes are afoot, the big icons are sticking with the old classics that they know have served them well over the years, however hot on their heels and hoping to make their mark with their radical new directions and contemporary ideas are some exciting newcomers to the scene.

But before we get bogged down in all that serious running the country malarkey, let’s take a look at who reigns supreme as your favourite fashionista here in the style haven that is Downing Street in our affectionately titled showcase “ Politics Prêt a porter “

First up is David, sporting a fetching suit and tie combo, both are in a stunning shade of blue, a hue that not only matches his party allegiance but also his current mood too.

Following close behind him is George who has boldly accessorised his simple capsule wardrobe with a bold red vintage case that’s just the right side of tatty for that shabby chic look and a must have for transporting all those budget busting essentials to and from Parliament in.

Arriving in a cloud of wild peroxide tresses we have Boris doing that “got up and stepped almost immediately into a wind tunnel “dishevelled look he always does so well whilst hiding out in the shadows we have Nigel and Jeremy, both sporting a variation on that perennial style favourite , tweed .

Nigel opts for the country gent look that’s so popular with all the hipsters about town who wouldn’t know a pheasant from a grouse even if it flew up into their face and pecked its name into their forehead.

Meanwhile Jeremy styles his into a casual and easy going beatnik librarian look that not only makes him come across as completely approachable but also like the older, wiser brother of Mr Bean.

Now by the time you read this and have a chortle about how ridiculous it all seems, Theresa May will be firmly ensconced in her new role as our first female prime minister in nearly 26 years, so don’t you think it’s high time we stopped basing our judgements of her and any other female politicians on what they are wearing and their appearance and start taking notice of the important stuff that comes from that important organ that is situated between their ears.

MAYBE I'M HAVING SOME DEJA VU

Do you ever get that eerie feeling like you’ve done something or said something before?

Like the moment you’ve just experienced is so hauntingly similar to something you’ve previously encountered that it’s a little bit spooky, slightly unnerving and possibly even bordering on the brink of paranormal.

Well, before you shriek and call out the Ghostbusters to deal with this supernatural activity may I first please suggest that you check it’s not just being caused by the reading of your latest batch of daily Facebook memories.

I thought that maybe it was just me having weird déjà vu moments courtesy of this but it seems I’m not the only one as I’ve had a couple of other friends mention how  they’ve had things come up on it that echo something they’ve posted on there about recently.

Which makes you wonder, is it all just a coincidence or are our lives just one infinite circle of history repeating?

a fool and his money

A fool and his money are soon parted so goes the old saying.

 And there’s no fool quite like the one who showboats and flaunts his wealth in full view of everyone who has worked their guts out for him to achieve his millionaire status.

As Philip Green welcomes a new super yacht into his family and lives it up at parties with the cream of the supermodel and celebrity crop, BHS staff all across the country are setting up everything must go sales and winding up the closing down of their shops.

While he roasts himself on holiday beneath the bright Grecian sun, they’ll be toiling away as customers pick the store carcasses for that last bargain crumb.

He squirms when he’s questioned offering pitiful excuses while they have to carry on regardless being polite in the face of his rudeness.

They don’t know whether when they reach his age, they’ll have anything to live on, yet they’ll still give their all to their job as its sell by date fast approaches.

Having had the misfortune in my youth to have worked for one of the stores he’s bought then cast aside for something better I know how gutting it must be for those involved and who deserve to have been treated much better .

From the word go there seemed to be a lack of any kind of care for those actually involved in the day to day job of selling their products and customer service, as long as the money was rolling in for them to spend on their frivolities it didn’t matter that their big plans and clever tricks were actually duds in disguise and sending the companies in question towards financial ruin.

Area managers were drafted in that had impressive university degrees but no idea what it was actually like to work on a shop floor then couldn’t understand why their latest big idea for how to sell to the public didn’t have the crowds surging through the front door.

And so when it all went pear shaped they all jumped ship and left the poor abandoned crews to guide their vessels on one last voyage that would end up with them being shipwrecked on the shore.

A knight of the realm should above all else show great bravery and courtesy decrees a search of the chivalric code on Wikipedia whilst trying to find out what it takes to be bestowed with the title of Sir, so maybe  Philip Green should read up a bit on his job title and do his honourable duty instead of playing the jester with those who could set him up for an almighty fall.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Been part of a team who‘ve come up with a brilliant new idea and worked really hard to get it running to its full potential or a group that uses all its members’ powers to its best abilities to get the result it wants.

And sometimes there will be one member of the crew who for one reason or another stands out as the star of the squad that everyone gravitates towards despite the fact the rest of the bunch have all shown the same level of dedication and it becomes quite gutting that this lone individual gets all the praise while they are rendered invisible.

So you can understand why Dan Goodfellow’s mum upon her son being part of an Olympic medal winning synchronised duo was bluer than the Rio diving pool used to be when nearly every photo covering the story the next day only showed Tom Daley. 

Now then, as you may know if you read my column regularly, Jamie Oliver and I don’t always agree on things.

Whilst I wholeheartedly have gotten behind the removal of turkey twizzlers and the like from school menu’s so  that some children might have at least one healthy meal in their day, we did fall out slightly this year over his comment that breast feeding is easy despite the fact as far as I know he’s never actually lactated.

He has however since apologised for that statement and as a result my one woman comedy show “ the naked breast “ never got past it’s pilot episode .

So now, Master Oliver and I are back as bosom buddies once again, there was a slight slip when I suggested maybe he’d been indulging in a few too many of his slightly richer recipes when he appeared outside parliament in a fleecy hoodie that made him look chunkier than normal and implied he should practise what he preaches as after all ladies aren’t we forever being force-fed the fact that the best way to drop weight after the birth of a newborn is to breastfeed.

 However I was soon chastised for my fat shaming and we swiftly moved on with our lives which this week has seen Jamie and his lovely wife Jools welcome the fifth Oliver into their fold.

Baby boy, who has yet to be named but weighed in at the same amount as 16 packs of butter so we’re told, and mum are doing well and were allowed to go home that same afternoon but what has really got everyone talking is the fact that some of the younger members of the Oliver brood were allowed into the delivery room as he was being born.

Older sisters Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo aged 14 and 12 respectively, were granted entry towards the end of their mothers labour to cut their new baby brothers umbilical cord and now the world and its panel of amateur experts are up in arms about whether they should have been exposed to the “brutality of labour “in all its glory at all.

So I have to, controversially some might say, agree wholeheartedly that yes it was a good idea with the midwife’s consent for the girls to be quite so involved in the proceedings.

For maybe if more kids, girls as well as boys, were to witness firsthand the gory and bloody real life version of what pregnancy and having babies involves instead of the sugar coated Instagram filtered adaption some celebrity magazines and social media present to them as being their ideal dream to aim for then maybe it could achieve in getting through to them something that school sex education lessons have tried to do for years.

There he sits, the ultimate in silver foxness .

He said he’d do it if his favourite team won the premiership title and despite our doubts to the contrary he’s kept his promise , reclining resplendently  in all his undressed glory upon our screens late one Saturday night on Auntie Beeb .

White boxer shorts pristine and ironed, emblazoned with his beloved Leicester city’s logo, he takes command of the Match of the day studio and reviews the days games whilst social media goes mad at how fit he looks for a man of his age and complaints are made that if he looks that good why isn’t he wearing something more budgie smuggler style to show off his damn fine rippling torso.

Debate rages as to what technically classes as a pair of pants with some feeling that the vast expanse of cotton were a bit of a copout but generally the stunt has gone down well and by half time he’s covered himself up in his usual tailored finery so they can get back to the job in hand and talk seriously about the sporting highlights of the day without his fellow pundits being distracted by his topless chest being on display.

And I would imagine ,just like back in the 80’s when model Nick Kamen stripped down to his undies in the launderette to wash his Levi 501’s, inspired by their latest outing on the small screen that many clothing retailers will find the demand for the cotton men’s undergarment goes through the roof this summer as the temperature continues rising thanks to national treasure Gary Lineker.

 For as my dear old Nan used to say you need something comfortable that lets your skin breathe around your nether regions in this hot weather so you can understand why a charming tailored pair of shorts was Helen Skelton’s  outfit of choice whilst covering the Olympics in Rio recently.

 Yet instead of being applauded for her practical and sartorial style she was ripped to shreds for daring to look like she’d “forgotten to put her trousers on” to report from the big sporting event of the year.

Ironic really considering some of those complaining about the size of her hot pants were probably berating what they thought was her fashion faux pas whilst wearing a similar if less chic version of it as they sat  sweltering in this heat we’ve been experiencing ourselves as they watched  her report on athletes wearing considerably less material than her.

 And as she* gasp*at one point happened to reveal a tiny glimpse of brassiere to the world it wasn’t as if she was relating to us all the latest sporting news topless like our favourite grey haired crisp stealer.

 So come on world get a life it’s the 21^st century now not strait laced times of the past, don’t tell women what they can or can’t wear while men are allowed to just wear whatever the hell they want whether they have a six pack or a giant beer belly.

Freedom means giving people the right to choose whatever feels right and comfortable for themselves be it shorts, boxers or burkini, bellow and demand that everyone must comply with one blinkered view of what is “normal” and you’re completely missing the point of that word actually defines.

Lessons in learning

September 1986, approximately 90 new students including myself walk through the gates of their new secondary school.

Our uniforms are neatly pressed, some have been purchased from the official school uniform shop and ticked off the list provided with military precision, whilst others whose parents bank balance doesn’t quite stretch to the prices of buying every item in there have managed to get pieces elsewhere that look the same but are cheaper and do the job just as well.

Some of these children will go on to become teachers, authors, doctors, solicitors, lawyers, join the police force or become high flying business people.

One will even go on to write a column for the local paper despite being told by her English teacher that she couldn’t write anything interesting or inspiring.

The one thing they will all have in common though is that while some of those on that success story list had the exact regulation school uniform , games kit , school bag and best leather shoes their parents could afford , some of them didn’t , some of them were the kids whose school wardrobe was always a cobbled together Frankenstein’s monster comprising of pieces bought from various chain stores such as BHS ,Littlewoods and Peacocks , markets ,catalogues and of course the much dreaded previously used by another member of the family “ hand me down “.

However they never let what they were clothing in their bodies in everyday to go to school and learn stand in the way of what they were trying to achieve, in fact I bet they never even crossed their minds for a minute.

For to them it just was what it was , just a uniform , something that made them all look the same and smart regardless of what shop it was bought from , nothing amazing , nothing revolutionary that made them think or behave any better , it was just there.

Yes there will always be those who try to play the system to suit themselves so a good set of rules put in place helps to prevent this occurring, however if you want your school to be achieving better grades as Matthew Tate from Hartsdown Academy in Margate keeps telling us when he appears on the news, surely it’s more important to have pupils in the school being taught rather than sending them home day after day for wearing the wrong pair of shoes?

                                                                                                                                                                            

 

 

 

 

NOT SO HEFTY HIDEAWAY GIRL or how my weight loss is going so far

It’s all gone a bit quiet on the weight loss front, has she fallen off the wagon?

I imagine this is possibly what some of you have been thinking after the myriad of time that has passed in between now and my last update on how it’s all been going.

So I’m happy to report to you that after quite a good few months of ups, downs and non moving positions on the scales that i finally reached my goal of weighing 2 stone less.

The bridesmaid dress that started all this is now packed away until I can get it taken in as I am able to climb into it through the neck hole now and spin round in it without touching the sides so I am thinking of raising a bit of money towards the alterations by hiring it out as an events marquee.

And so now its onwards and upwards towards stone number 3.