And while we’re on the subject of parenting as it’s coming up for Mother’s day, let me take this opportunity to be a bit self indulgent and say something special to my amazing offspring.

My boys,

 Well here we are, you’re teenagers now, taller than me by far but still just as kind and gentle as you’ve always been.

Please always retain that great quality about yourselves despite the fact those pesky teenage hormones and other things can make you feel a bit awkward and irritable and sometimes cause you to doubt yourselves and your abilities.

 Your intelligence and outlook on life astounds me every day, I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve achieved ,  I will always be there for you if you need me and if I can’t rest assured know I will be there to help you pick up the pieces .

I love you so much and will eternally, never doubt that.

Love Mum x

Bringing up children, you don’t have to be an expert in East Asian affairs to know that while at times it can be the best and most rewarding time of your life it can also be the scariest emotional rollercoaster and sometimes mortifying.

From the moment Professor Robert Kelly’s daughter gate crashed his live interview on BBC news about the impeachment of South Korea’s president Park Geun –hye and we watched him struggle to keep his stern demeanour as a comedy of errors unfolded behind him, parents all around the country sat sympathising knowing full well of the humiliation that can be dealt by small children with their impeccable knack for comedy timing.

They are amazingly unpredictable creatures with no cares for the social etiquette of the world that adults live in as Marion and little brother James proved with their joyous escapades after seeing their daddy on the TV screen and deciding to seek him out in his study.

Marion swaggering in in what was later described as her hippety- hoppity mood with James like a mini Davros from doctor who in his baby walker following in hot pursuit were a delight to see, while the wry smile Mr Kelly tried to stifle as wife Jung-a Kim attempted to rectify the situation knowing full well that this bit of film had all the potential to be an internet hit just proved to me to show how much affection he has for his beautiful family.

And that’s an amazing thing to possess, the ability to love despite what life throws at you, to know that while you might have had a sense of humour failure somewhere along the line you will very soon be able to laugh it off as just one of those things and your children will always feel comfortable to come to you with anything.

For while time marches on and the calendar changes along with their ages, it doesn’t matter how old they are they will always be your babies.

The Doctor will see you now

Breaking news – The Doctor is out.

Peter Capaldi, that is, who has announced that his 12^th incarnation of the nation’s favourite time lord will hang up his sonic screwdriver in 2017’s Christmas special.

And so now Whovian’s eagerly await and wildly speculate about who will fill that prestigious vacancy in time and relative dimension in space.

Rumours are abounded and the usual suspect’s names have been pushed to the fore as always when such an iconic role comes up for grabs to fill.

And in the midst of it all comes the suggestion that is almost as old as the doctor himself.

 That being that maybe with this regeneration the Gallifreyan should take on a whole new demeanour and embrace a more feminine side of them self.

To some the idea of their traditionally male hero changing gender after all these years is sacrilege , however with the doctors greatest nemesis The Master rising from the dead as the spectacularly mischievous  Missy in 2014 it isn’t such a couldn’t be done story line as it would’ve been years ago .

Hell in a bustle skirt and with a glint in her eye that you’re not sure whether it means she likes you or that she’s just teasing you while she plans your imminent demise she’s given the ultimate adversary a whole new lease of life after supposed death and you never really quite sure whether she’s going to be playing the part of friend or foe to her one time childhood chum the doctor so maybe it’s time he followed suit and joined the other side to see how different the space time continuum and world could be if girls ,like Beyonce once said, were running it.

After all twelve months ago would we have thought that we would have ended 2016 with a new female prime minister, seen Boris Johnson in an important role like Foreign Secretary or watched agog as the person we thought was least likely to win the presidential race was sworn into the White House whilst struggling to find anyone of note to perform at his inauguration ceremony because his attitude and personality hasn’t made him the most likeable person on the planet.

 I think if 2016 taught us anything it was not to assume everything was going to go exactly as we thought it would, so prepare yourselves Whovians because Christmas 2017 might need you to open your minds to a really big change and to expect the unexpected.

 

 

 

 

Down at heels

There are two types of women in the world.

On one hand we have those who are the picture of elegance in a beautifully crafted towering heel, gliding effortlessly past looking like a goddess, graceful and serene.

And then you have those whose camp I find myself falling into, quite literally on occasion if I find myself wearing a pair of the aforementioned type of shoes.

Believe me it’s not as if we don’t try to look feminine in them it’s just that the burning soles, pinched toes and off kilter balance tend to give us all the girlish demeanour of the chaps in denim hot pants in a certain TV advert.

So keeping that in mind that all ladies feet are different isn’t it about time that we let women decide what kind of shoes are best suited to them in the work place.

Surely as long as they’re smart and practical for what the job entails whether they have a heel or are flat should be completely irrelevant.

SOMETHING BUGGY-ING YOU ?

Buggies vs wheelchairs , not as it might sound to the unknowing amongst you, a whole new genre of action film, but a subject that has been in the headlines recently after  a supreme court ruling in a case in Yorkshire ruled that bus drivers should do more to accommodate wheelchair users.

Doug Palley took the case to court after a dispute with a lady with a buggy in the disabled bay on a bus  refused to take her baby out of its pushchair and fold it down to make room for his wheel chair meaning  he was refused entry .

Now I need to get one thing straight first, this isn’t going to be one of those rants against parents with small children on public transport because to be honest with you I’ve done my own fair share of that in my time and i can tell you from experience that i know it’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world to get yourself and your kids from A to B without the aid of a car if the distance is too far to walk and taxis are a tad expensive to be getting regularly.

Neither is this going to be a rant at wheelchair users because they like everyone else deserve to be able to go about their life with the least amount of obstacles being thrown in their way too .

I think we all just need to look at the bigger picture involved rather than the buggy vs wheelchair debate and start taking into consideration where we could all co-operate in making the whole bus  journey a little bit more comfortable for everybody.

I’ve seen parents with children in buggies being tutted and moaned at by others for taking up room or precious time as they try to get their pushchair into the spaces provided and quite disgustingly heard similar whinging about disabled passengers manoeuvring themselves into their correct positions.

I’ve also observed just as many people with buggies being refused places on buses because there’s not enough room for them in the spaces provided and seen disabled passengers manhandled out of the way of others against their will simply because they aren’t moving fast enough for the impatient travellers behind them .

Yes , generally if someone has been capable of setting up a pushchair  they are quite capable of putting it down again while the same of which cannot generally be said about the wheelchair user , however isn’t it worth considering that if everyone not just the two sides involved in this case were all to work together , offering to make room if needed , holding small children shopping or whatever while manoeuvres are carried out so all the onus isn’t just left on the bus driver there would be no need for these silly versus battles and supreme court rulings.

 

UNEXPECTED VICTORY

It’s been a mixed bag of triumphs and tribulations for me since my last column if I’m being honest.

The driving test that was rescheduled due to bad weather just before new year didn’t quite go to plan as my failure to heed to Corporal Jones from Dads Army’s best bit of advice, in other words “Don’t Panic “meant i once again failed by the slimmest of margins when i let my nerves get the better of me .

However amidst all that disappointment and distracted by falling victim to yet another cold which means since the turn of 2017 I’ve actually had more days ill than I’ve had well there was a victory creeping up on me that I’ve been chasing on and off since at least September last year .

It’s taken a long time to get there, however it seems taking my mind off it with other things has really helped, I have now reached my 2 and half stone lost goal at slimming world so it’s onwards and downwards to 3 stone now from here.

EGG BOUND

I told you it would happen, didn’t I?

It’s very subtle but it’s started, in fact in my neck of the woods it reared its head at least a couple of days before Christmas dinner had even been served.

Those without a keen eye for this sort of thing might have missed it as it tucked itself neatly into a corner of the local newsagents but i spotted it immediately trying to act normal and not draw attention to itself whilst carols and Christmas songs blared from the shop radio and customers came and went in their Santa hats and festive jumpers.

However now the decorations and frivolity have all been consigned back to the cupboard for another 12 months it’s become much more difficult for it to blend into the background , have a look next time you’re out and about , it hasn’t gone fully blown yet but once you realise what I’m on about I’m sure you’ll get pretty Egg-cited .

DRIVING VEXED

Planning this column over the Christmas holidays I was hoping to be able to regale you with a bit of good news about what I’d been up to on my yuletide break.

For as the rest of you anticipated what the turn of the new year would bring the following evening, early on the 30^th December I was venturing out on the cold, misty morning in hope that this time I would be second time lucky in securing that all important pass certificate for my practical driving test .

Having chosen the early time slot for the sole purpose that it gave me less time to sit around at home stressing  I arrived at the test centre raring to go and strode through the doors with a positive “ c’mon then show me what you got “ attitude on ,ready to take on anything the roads could throw at me .

Which was when I glanced at my phone and spotted the cancellation email that stated that the decision had been made to reschedule my driving test as the foggy conditions had rendered it unsafe for the examiner to take me out on the road to assess my driving ability.

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, however I conceded to the fact eventually that it just wasn’t going to happen that day, returned to my instructors car and wouldn’t you just believe it drove home perfectly with no silly mistakes and even nailing that hill start at the mini roundabout that I’d had the major disaster with on my first test.

So as we speak I am practising hard for my rescheduled appointment which comes up very soon after this column will be published.

I’d like to take this time while i wait though to impart some of my own wisdom on to the powers that be who decree whether or not it’s safe for you to partake in your practical that might make the whole cancellation process a little less stressful in the long run.

First of all , the majority of people tend to schedule in a last lesson prior to driving to the test centre so where possible it would be best to send out the cancellation notice as early as you can rather than 10 minutes before the test is due to take place .

In those circumstances where that is for whatever reason a problem it would secondly be distinctly more courteous for there to be someone in the waiting room at the centre to apologise for the inconvenience caused rather than having all the staff hiding away behind closed doors, fearful to come out and face the music because they know that the candidates tempers might be a little vexed.

Reinvestigating what constitutes unsafe driving conditions from day to day might also be worth considering as there were plenty of learner drivers out in that fog that day driving safely including myself, yet the day before when it was really lovely and bright i had really struggled as the combination of the sun shining low and dazzling me with its reflection on the shiny wet roads had meant I was literally driving blind in some areas of Medway.

And finally it is advisable that if you’re going to cancel certain candidates tests due to the weather that you should be consistent with that decision throughout the day as if you are seen less than an hour later by both the cancelled candidate and their instructor to be sending out tests when the weather is much the same as it was before it does look to them as if you just didn’t want to go out on the early bird sessions and are suiting yourselves rather than considering the schedules of those sitting their practical’s .

Hope that advice is of good use to those concerned , you know it makes sense , I’ll see you on and at my revised date and time and maybe next time my column goes to print I might finally have something to celebrate about .

 

JUSTFIED ANCIENTS OF MOO MOO .....

Canterbury Street, Gillingham.

 The humble setting to many a scene from my life.

From the location of the stationery shop i started my YTS work placement in at the age of 17, to the charity shops and discount store that provided me with many an amazing outfit and cheap knock off designer perfume for my Friday nights out at local indie club night subsonic back in the Britpop years.

And just a few doors up from my place of employment stood the venue of choice for many a young person in the area.

It’s been Joanna’s in its time, The Zone and back in the day when I received the hallowed free entry tickets in commemoration of turning 18 it was known as the Ritzy.

However recently I noticed that like the doctor in the popular BBC tv series it was undergoing yet another regeneration and has now become known as the MooMoo clubrooms.

Which makes me wonder if the inspiration for the name change is down to the fact that many nightclubs often get compared to being much like a “ cattle market “?

THE YEAR OF TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED

It’s been a funny old year hasn’t it?

That’s what this columnist thinks to herself as she looks back over 12 months and the events that have come to pass as the calendar has month by month shed its papery leaves.

Who’d have thought at the start of this year we would have lost so many of the people we thought were completely invincible, the ones who we grew up with, admired and loved, who gave us our first laughs, sung their way into and sometimes helped heal our broken hearts and inspired us to embark or change direction on the routes that life took us.

And who could have guessed as 2015 made way for 2016 that we would now have our first female prime minister since Margaret Thatcher, taking over the role from David Cameron who felt he should move onto pastures new in the wake of the vote on Brexit.

Would anyone have seen coming , Boris the bumbling former mayor of London , he of stuck on zip wire , rugby tackling children and falling over in rivers fame in such an important role as Foreign Secretary or the man who personifies the phrase bad hair day everyday being sworn in as the next US president .

And what of my life , has much changed since I sat glass of wine in hand on New Year’s Eve awaiting the clock to strike midnight and composing in my head and probably on social media all the things I was hoping to achieve .

Well let’s see, I finally worked up the courage to put in for my driving test during the summer holidays which I took in October and as you can tell from the lack of coverage in my column I failed but its rebooked for a day over the Christmas holidays so fingers crossed I might be legally allowed out on the roads by myself come the New Year.

I’ve shed in total about another stone and a half in weight , my health is greatly improved and having started going regularly to an exercise class , something unheard in my old self , I feel like I’m going from strength to strength in getting myself fit.

I’ve lost some dear old friends and have also gained a beautiful new niece but by far my most favourite event of the year has been seeing my amazing step daughter starting her first year at university.

For two years ago, she was stuck in hospital undergoing chemotherapy for leukaemia but instead of letting it beat her she stuck two fingers up at it and said “ you didn’t take away those six months of my life , you gifted me with the life I needed to live “

She says you never know what’s round the corner so it’s best to live life to fullest now instead of leaving it for another day because by then it might be too late.

So I’m going to live by that same motto from now on because she’s right , the unexpected does happen , we do need to grab life with both hands  because we don’t know when it’ll be gone and we don’t want to get to the end of it and regret not embracing it.

I’m going to take all those things that were on my list of things I wanted to do this year but let slip by the wayside because I was too busy, wasn’t brave enough or whatever and do something about them and I suggest that you do the same because you never know where it might lead or what difference it could make to you.

I suggest we reconvene back here in December 2017and compare notes.

 However there remains only one thing left to say from this girl from the neck down to you in 2016

And that is,

Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

AMAZONIAN PROPORTIONS

Christmas is coming in case you hadn’t noticed, so parcels have been arriving almost daily at our front door for the past couple of weeks.

And unlike some companies who deliver for only 6 days, Amazon have been going the extra mile in their bid to provide the ultimate service to us all by delivering goods on a Sunday so it was no surprise to arrive back from doing the roast dinner food shop recently to find a large box addressed to me sitting on the table waiting to be opened.

However for the life of me I couldn’t remember just what I’d ordered that might require a box of that size so it was with an air of mystery that I ripped back the tape to see what it contained inside.

Whereupon a large giggle arose from my mouth as I found tucked under mountains of brown paper a neatly folded sports bra which makes me question was someone at Amazon having a bit of a jape at the expense of my larger than average size or do they just have no concept about what constitutes the use of way too much packaging.

CARRY ON AT YOUR CONVIENIENCE

It’s one of the most natural things in the world.

We all have to do it.

 Some of us more than others especially when it’s cold or because our maximum capacity gauge is set to the size of a pea while on the flipside you have those who can go for hours on end without paying a visit.

But what we all have in common is that once we get the feeling we need to go there’s no two ways about it we DEFINITELY need to go.

So it makes me wonder why it seems to have become quite such a palaver in many places these days to just go about your business when it comes to spending a penny.

For a start it’s hardly as cheap as that anymore, is it?

In some places it’s as expensive as a pound to relieve yourself and while it is cheaper elsewhere, sometimes the rigmarole of trying to organise the right currency to get through the turnstile is a whole new challenge of its own.

The change machine will only take pound coins and nothing smaller which means if you haven’t got any you have to faff about trying to get some, while if you do have the right change but it’s not the correct denomination to grant you passage through the gate then I’m sorry I’m afraid entry will be denied until this error has been rectified.

Special access users such as parents with buggies and those who need to use the disabled facilities should be less likely to have to take part in all these fun and games but that is really only dependent on whether there’s an attendant on hand at all times to answer their call for help.

And finally of course we have the lavatories like the ones in our local supermarket that are as difficult as Fort Knox to get into and require the talents of the code breakers of Bletchley Park.

Armed with a set of random letters and numbers from customer services you approach the button activated lock, one false move requires you return back to the start and too many mistakes can result in a temporary lock out which in your current state could possibly spell disaster for all around you.

I know that some of these measures are  put in place for the best security reasons but wonder if like me the last thing you need when you’re busting for the loo is something that’s brings to mind a challenge from The Cube and makes the experience feel like it’s anything but public and convenient.

 

 

FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH

It’s the Holy Grail to some, that mystical fountain of eternal youth.

Some try to achieve it with plastic surgery or chemical treatments such as Botox whilst others go for a more natural approach, indulging in clean eating, lots of exercise and singing the praises for the ultra healthy lifestyle they lead.

Vitamin shots, alternative therapies and homeopathy are other methods some swear by in the battle to get one over on the ravages of time whilst lotions and potions that entice with promises to stop the onwards march of wrinkles, age spots and crow’s feet are like a crock of gold at the end of the rainbow for the beauty industry.

However I reckon I’ve discovered the secret to immortality and luckily for you the amount you have to fork out for this probably won’t cost you much more than a quid.

For judging by the amount of bags for life I’ve got squirreled away in my cupboards it looks like I’m intending on living a very long life indeed !

CHARITYTASTIC

Like Smashy and Nicey, the cheesy old disc jockey characters portrayed by Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse I do like to do my “bit for charidee”.

So that would probably go some way to explaining why I, along with quite a few other learner drivers were to be found standing in a windy car park last Wednesday with our instructors awaiting the arrival of the previous leg of the Big learner relay for Children in Need, so that they could hand Pudsey Bear over to our convoy of dual controlled vehicles who would be escorting him from Strood to the Isle of Sheppey.

Hang on, I hear some of you cry, you’re still a learner driver after all this time?

Yes dear readers it’s true I’ve still yet to make the transition from student to full time menace on the road.

 I finally plucked enough courage to put myself in for my practical test during the summer holidays and took it last month however an altercation with a hill start on a mini roundabout in Hempstead put paid to my pass certificate dreams so here I am back in the learner driver seat for the time being.

 Fingers crossed though with my next test being booked up for a date around Christmas maybe I might be legally allowed on the road by myself by the turn of the New Year.

So anyway on with the story,with Pudsey and his light up learner box installed on the top of the lead car bedecked in  all its multi coloured dots finery and with our large group of yellow eared personnel attracting some curiosity from those walking across Rochester bridge we all made our way back to our vehicles, started our engines and filed our way out of the car park to proceed onwards with our journey.

Third in line of the L plated fleet, my driving instructor Amanda and I laughed and joked our way like a Medway version of Thelma and Louise through the trip that took our motorcade up out of Strood , through the Medway tunnel  and along all the back streets of Rainham , Sittingbourne etc to reach our destination on the Isle of Sheppey.

The weather though cold stayed as bright as our moods and apart from a few stops along the way where being learner drivers some of us got a bit left behind when we weren’t able to all get over some of the roundabouts at the same time we more or less maintained our procession till we reached the climax of our journey.

Pulling into The Aviator pub car park  in Sheerness where the next chapter of Pudsey’s escorts awaited, selfies were taken to upload to the events Facebook page and with a quick handover of the box from vehicle to vehicle the convoy made its way back out on the road for its journey onto Whitstable then Ramsgate .

It was so much fun and for a good cause , I would do it all again , however I’m not planning to still be a learner driver by this time next year so it looks like I’ll have to find another way to help those who really are in need .