Young mums, they don’t get the best press do they?
We gasp at yet another headline about girls barely out of
childhood giving birth then make the same old judgements that the child won’t
have much of a life because of the irresponsibility of their actions.
We have them down as Vicky pollard types having a quick bunk
up with someone behind the bike sheds to get a council flat and benefits to buy
plasma screen t.vs and ciggies and that
she’ll keep churning them out so she doesn’t ever have to get up off the sofa
to look for work.
And while yes maybe there is a tiny minority for whom that
is the agenda, i think maybe it’s time we stopped relegating all young mums
into this stereotype.
Take one of my best friends, back in our youth the only time
we’d encountered teen pregnancy was Michelle on Eastenders .While we were
supposed to be revising for our upcoming G.C.S.E’s , I knew Heidi had been
going through a bit of a rebellious and slightly troubled phase ,hanging out at
parties with other friends and boys but when rumours started to circulate that
she was pregnant I just put it down to the bitchy gossip of our peers.
That was until I spotted her in Mark One in Chatham months
later and there nestled in the comfort of his pram was her son Nathan.
And as she started hanging out with myself and best friend Tracy
again the former “wild child” of the previous year seemed a much more calmer, mature and
responsible girl than she did before to me.
She wasn’t without her critics though, I knew she had had
people tutt at her and make assumptions about her ability to bring up her child
properly just because of her age. If her son became weepy and stressful while
she was out anywhere it was down to her being young and unable to cope rather
than teething, hunger or a wet nappy.
And despite all the bother her first pregnancy bestowed on
her, she happily gave birth to a 2nd son Dom a couple of years later
at the age of 19.
Around this time we
lost touch for a little while as she slipped contentedly back into the role of
new mum again having found some friends who understood her parenting world a
bit more than those of us for whom the Britpop era loomed on the horizon.
It wasn’t until about 8 years later that our paths crossed again
quite by chance as i pushed my newborn twins around Safeways in Walderslade in their
buggy and recognised the familiar face
of the person walking towards me.
We took a stroll back to my house where caught up with
everything that had been going on in our lives over a cup of tea.
She and her partner had split up a few years previously but
it was for the best she said as life was far less stressful now she was a
single mum, her son had been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome which had
finally proved to all those who’d speculated that his stressed out behaviour
was down to her parenting ability wrong and that she was always fighting to
make sure he got the help he needed in school.
She’d had a few different jobs including bar work and as a
classroom assistant to make sure her kids never went without.
The quiet school girl I’d met way back in 86 was long gone
and now she was this brave lioness who took no rubbish from anyone anymore and
to be honest as a new mum at the age of 28 and struggling a bit with how it had
changed my life i was in awe of her and still am.
Even after a few hardships and tragedies that had befallen
her over the years that others might cite as a reason why they’ve gone off the rails,
she still has a smile for everyone and is always there for you if you need her
whether it be as a shoulder to cry on or someone with whom to vent some spleen.
She looks out for everyone, probably a bit more than she
does for herself at times and is a person who gives great down to earth advice
when needed.
And she does so much for people she hasn’t even met as well
, taking on such things as the 3 peaks challenge , walking 26 miles round
London in just her bra and even abseiling down the side of a building all in
the sake of charity .
Heidi, the teenager who some people didn’t expect to amount
to much holds down a responsible supervisor job and has brought 2 sons up to
have the same hard working attitude so it just goes to show the learning curve
that is being a good parent doesn’t care if you’re young or old it’s just
interested in the work you’re prepared to put in to get the things you want to
achieve.
Look beyond the age of the person and believe in the actions
that you see.
That young mother you’re passing judgement on might just be
a mum in a million.
GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 5/05/14
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