A TIME AND A PLACE

There’s a time and a place for everything and while I do tend to have a good old moan in this column about things that other people do that get on my nerves, I must confess to also having been  guilty of what I’m going have a whinge about this time.

If you’ve been on social media at all this week or any national news websites you will probably be aware of a story emanating from Antwerp where it appeared a text walking lane had been introduced into a busy street.

A place where people could walk safely looking at their mobiles without having to pay attention to what’s going on around them as long as they stay carefully nestled inbetween the white lines that separate them from those going about their business out in the world of reality.

It all turned out to be a big publicity stunt by a mobile phone company of course but hands up how many of us thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

How many times a day do you get stuck behind someone walking at snail’s pace as they stare zombielike at the thing glowing in their palm , fingers moving like lightning as they reel off messages hither and thither whilst never once looking up to see what might be occurring outside the confines of that little glass screen.

Or had to make a split second decision about how to get out of the way of a sudden obstacle because the person coming towards you is clearly blissfully unaware of what’s unfolding right in front of their noses.

And of course I can’t make such accusations about other people’s shortcomings while in possession of handheld technology without admitting to my own misdemeanours.

For just last week whilst in the throes of updating my facebook profile with what I thought was a particularly witty status I misjudged where I was , took what I assumed to be the right turning  and looked up only just in time to discover I was walking straight into a dead end alley.

I didn’t look particularly intelligent having to turn round and walk back the way that I’d just come that day I would imagine and never did the message to pay less attention to our phones until it was safe to do so, hit home quite so hard as it did the following day when I saw a couple of parents in charge of young tots in buggies.

Eyes fixed firmly on the text scrolling up on their mobile, their precious ones sit in a carriage that weaves precariously from side to side as it is steered singlehandedly along the pavement.

 Its lucky really that the short and stout fortysomething coming the opposite way has had the foresight to pass by between them and the edge of the kerb or the pushchair might have been hitching an early ride home on a bus or car bumper.

So like I said at the top of this column maybe we need to learn that there’s a time and a place for everything.

And whether or not our status is updated shouldn’t be a higher priority than our safety .

APOLOGIES ....

FOR THE NUMBER OF POSTS PREVIOUS TO THIS THAT ARENT IN ANY PARTICULAR DATE ORDER , THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS HAVE BEEN A BIT HECTIC AND I HAVENT HAD MUCH OF A CHANCE TO UPLOAD .
THEY ARE ALL MY MEDWAY MESSENGER COLUMNS , JUST NOT NECESSARILY IN THE RIGHT ORDER XXX

HAIR DYE-SASTER

I have something to confess to, I’m not the girl from the neck down i used to be and as depicted up in the corner of this column in that slightly grumpy faced photo.

For a couple of months ago after nearly six years of being a platinum blonde I decided I’d grown weary of the almost fortnightly root touch up procedure involved in being the shade that the old chestnut would have you believe is more fun and like Darth Vader before me, decided to embrace my dark side.

I’m pretty sure a few of you will know that turning very light hair to very dark hair is no easy ride in the salon let alone hunched over the sink in your pristine white bathroom but with a little help from a friend and a stop off at the hue that was nicknamed “50 shades of beige “, 11 weeks ago I finally arrived at my desired tone of ebony.

And all has been going swimmingly with my amazing new look apart from one incident just recently after getting my hair primped and preened on the hottest day of the year in preparation for my birthday party  .

I’d spent the morning in a chair as my best friend worked her magic covering the silvery grey stripes of root regrowth and snipped it back into my signature look pixie crop.

Hair dry and tidy I bid her farewell after a stop off for rose lemonade outside a local cafe and was glad to get back in the shade for an hour or so before I ventured out once again to meet the boys on their walk home from school with a nice cold bottle of drink to cool them down.

At 3.15 off out into the heat I went, drinks ensconced in a canvas bag, sun cream lathered all over and sunglasses on.

As I walked I noticed I seemed to be getting quite a bit of attention.

My hair must look particularly splendid I thought to myself as I strode on , sweltering hot in my t shirt and shorts and sweat beginning to pour down my face and neck .

With a lack of tissues to hand I used a corner of my black bag to wipe away some of the dampness   and carried on walking, bypassing more people who seemed to be blown away by how good I looked.

It wasn’t until i finally met up with the boys that the reason I was so grabbing people’s attention finally dawned on me.

“Mum, why are your face and neck a funny colour “they both exclaimed and it was then I realised that the remains of my hair dye had been mixing with the perspiration on my skin creating great rivulets of colour cascading down my face and neck meaning that I was no longer pale and interesting but strange tone of stripy blue/black/grey .

Dignity in pieces we were forced to bid a hasty retreat home so I could jump in the shower to wash away the mortification of looking like a right wally so let me leave you with the moral of the story .

Please make sure you remember to wash your hair dye out until the water runs completely clear if there’s an amber weather warning after all the only thing you might want to want to bring a bit of colour to your cheeks is the sun not abject humiliation .

 

 

 

 

HONG KONG GARDEN

Make sure you keep your eyes on the road ahead of you, don’t let anything preoccupy you from driving safely.

Texting , calling , taking selfies ,updating your social media and any other use of mobiles and technical gadgets is dangerous and to be avoided at all times whilst in charge of any kind of vehicle.

The top word in your driving vocabulary should always be observation to prevent inattentiveness behind the wheel causing mayhem to those sharing the streets and highways with you and is a good piece of advice to follow when one of the most given excuses in the event of an accident is simply that the driver was distracted by something momentarily .

So why on earth somebody thought it was an absolutely brilliant idea to build an ornamental Japanese garden in the middle of a busy roundabout , surely a place where being focussed on the job ahead is vital ,is beyond me , really .

PNEUMATIC DIN

The sun is out, the streets are deserted.

Deep into the month of August and summer holidays there’s no dreaded school run traffic to contend with in the morning or just after 3 and save for a few vehicles venturing out on day trips or going about their daily business there’s not that much traffic out on the road to cause much in the way of road disruption.

In fact as long as it isn’t too early, during those adjoining hours between morning and evening rush hours would seem would it not to be the perfect time to carry out essential road works in a residential area such as Walderslade where I live.

So quite whose bright idea that the best time to start using a pneumatic drill is gone 10pm when many have children trying to sleep or are trying themselves to turn in is really quite baffling .

MEDWAY MESSENGER 5 MINUTE INTERVIEW

Name: Nina Page

 

Job/role: “Girl from the neck down “columnist for the Medway Messenger

 

Age: 40  

 

Born and bred: A true Chatham girl born at home in Holland Road in 1975 and have lived in and around Medway ever since.

 

Best thing about Medway: The varied music/art scene, there’s a lot more to Medway than poundshops and bookies if you’re prepared to seek it out .

 

Worst thing about Medway: The reputation that precedes it due to a minority of people’s behaviour.

 

What would you change about Medway? I’d like people to stop using it as their own personal litter bin.

 

Favourite place in Medway: It’s not so much a place but I do love to look at all the lovely old architecture on some of the buildings around the towns. You’ll see a whole new side to Chatham if you only you walked around looking up.

 

Which local person do you most admire: Natasha from Creatabot, she does so much amazing stuff for people and is one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met .

 

Describe Medway in one word:  Home.

 

PARTYZILLA

If you were to ask me to write a list of things I’m not that keen on, somewhere in the top 5 along with mice and rats would be parties.

So why in heavens name I should pick exactly that to do for the celebration of my 40th birthday is anybody’s guess.

When I booked the hall up in January and started printing and sending out invitations months in advance so everyone had plenty of notice I was most impressed at myself for being so organised.

 But now as we approach the under a month to go mark and there still seems so much left to do I’m starting to feel a little like I’m running out of time.

I’m sure it’ll all come together in the end though and hopefully I won’t turn into a full on Partyzilla , stomp my feet , burst into tears and bellow

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if i want to “

BRITAINS GOT A BEE IN ITS BONNET

Jesse Jane McParland does her little ninja thing joined on stage by a plethora of masked ninjas; no-one says a thing.

Boyband strut their funky stuff as girls primp and preen behind them in tight red leotards and no-one bats an eyelid apart from to say that maybe they are a little bit distracting.

Chloe Louise Crawford twirls her un-named dance partner across the stage before flinging him up towards the ceiling without thinking it might have been polite to acquaint us with who he is and what he does for a living whilst Jamie Raven transports a helicopter to the stage by the power of magic alone although the gent sitting in the cockpit might have a different story to tell on how it came to be there if only we were allowed to speak with him.

 Old men grooving are supported by a cast of many but isn’t it strange how nobody seems to think it’s a bit rude of them not to introduce us to anyone at this wedding day they appear to be gate crashing.

And there’s that gospel choir appearing from the wings again to support many a vocalists towering crescendo at the climax of their song before disappearing once more into the darkness without so much as a thank you for bolstering up my harmonies that might otherwise have sounded really quite reedy in this echoey O2 arena.

So isn’t it a little bit hypocritical all this fuss everyone is making over Jules o Dwyer’s use of a little canine extra in her and Matisse’s  B.G.T  Final performance in the shape of her aforementioned doggy chums best friend when other acts have bolstered their two minutes of fame with anonymous helpers albeit of the human variety.

Chase may have had to step in when Matisse’s fear of heights got the better of him and yes maybe it would have been better to admit to a little stunt doubling but surely the talent without which the name of the programme would be redundant, is in Jules case that she truly has an affinity and skill with her canine chums to get them to do these things that do so tug at our heartstrings.

For if you think of the old adage about dogs and teaching them new tricks, getting one to walk a tightrope is certainly no mean feat .

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT ?

So what is it?

Are you colour-blind to the vast banners outside the school gates?

Perhaps the block type on it isn’t big enough for you to read.

Maybe you don’t like the tone of its message; the green one was quite polite in what it was asking but this new yellow one sounds a little irritable quite frankly as you skilfully execute a 3 point turn in front of it , expertly managing to avoid the two traffic cones someone appears to have carelessly placed across the entrance to the school.

Honestly, you’re only trying to get your kids to school safely by dropping them as close to it as you possibly can, what’s their big problem with that?

The lollipop lady is there; surely it’s her job to supervise everyone’s road safety.

And besides, what kind of idiot lets their kids run about willy nilly amongst loads of traffic anyway.

Hmm yes, what kind of idiot indeed?

MY 40TH BIRTHDAY PLAYLIST .

THIS IS THE PLAYLIST I PRESENTED ONE OF MY BIRTHDAY DJS WITH AND BLESS HIS HEART HE GOT THEM ALL FOR ME , CHEERS KEV ...
AND YOU TOO HAYLEY FOR SORTING THROUGH  ALL THAT " NORMAL "PARTY STUFF PLAYLIST FOR ME AS WELL XXXX

Nina’s birthday playlist .

 

Etta James – Wallflower  (dance with me , Henry) ,tell mama

                               In the basement ( with sugar pie desanto )

Shirley bassey – the spinning wheel

Thee headcoatees – first plane home

Plastic Bertrand- ca plane pour moi.

The 5,6,7.8’s – woo hoo

April march – chick habit

Mari Wilson – just what i always wanted

Tracey ullman – breakaway

Kirsty maccoll – terry

                             There’s a guy works down the chip shop swears he’s Elvis.

The angels – my boyfriends back

The crystals – da do ron ron

                         One fine day

                         He’s a rebel

 

The Shangri-las  - give him a great big kiss

The mar-keys – last night ( the theme tune to Bottom but then you probably already knew that )

The shirelles – mama said

Harry Belafonte – jump in the line

Gloria jones – tainted love

Chuck berry – you never can tell

Little green bag – George baker selection

Green onions – booker t and the mg’s

Can i get a witness – marvin gaye

The night – Frankie valli and the 4 seasons

Killer queen – queen

Wuthering heights – kate bush

Proud mary , nutbush city limits – ike and tina turner

I’m blue – the ikettes

Too many fish in the sea – the marvellettes

Heard it through thr grapevine – the slits

The boys are back in town – thin lizzy

Dancing with myself – billy idol

Love cats – the cure

Loves gone bad – chris clark

In the middle of nowhere – dusty springfield

My boy lollipop- millie

Shes so modern – boomtown rats

Panic , Sheila take a bow , this charming man – the smiths

Have love will travel – the sonics

Wade in the water – marlena shaw

Shop around – the miracles

Tell him – the exciters

Captain of your ship – reparata and the delrons

You make me feel mighty real – Sylvester

I love the nightlife (disco round ) – Alicia bridges

Shake a tail feather – the 5 du tones

The roach – gene and Wendell 

Love man , try a little tenderness – otis redding

Do you love me – the contours

Gangsters , too much too young – the specials

Eloise – the damned

Start – the jam

On my radio – the selecter

Pump it up , olivers army – elvis Costello

Swords of a thousand men – tenpole tudor

Sha la la lee , whatcha gonna do about it – the small faces

Stay with me – the faces

The clapping song , soul time – Shirley ellis

You cant hurry love , the happening , love child , love is like an itching in my heart – the supremes

Think , respect – Aretha franklin

Ghost in my house – r.dean taylor

Echo beach – Martha and the muffins

You really got me – the kinks

I saw her standing there , twist and shout – the beatles

Come on , get off my cloud – rolling stones

Get it on – t-rex

Mary mary , im a believer – the monkees

My generation – the who

Virgina plain, lets stick together – roxy music

Land of 1000 dances – Wilson pickett

Shakin all over – Johnny kidd and the pirates

One way or another , call me – blondie

Lust for life – iggy pop

Cruel to be kind – nick lowe

Rebel rebel , golden years – bowie

Captain sensible – happy talk

Any elvis , jerry lee lewis etc

Stuck in the middle – stealers wheel

Blow up a go go – blow up

Young scene – keith Mansfield

Wonderwoman theme

Fat sams grand slam , give a little love – bugsy Malone soundtrack (which  i have if you struggle )

Life is a cabaret- Liza Minnelli 

Bring me sunshine – Morecambe and wise .

 

 

 

WORLD CLASS LADIES

They’re not all over your newspaper, falling out of nightclubs, bragging about how many fast cars they’ve got or who it is they’re dating.

There’s a distinct lack of St Georges flag flying from houses, cars and drinking establishments.

No gimmicks in the tabloids to be used as a good luck talisman for bringing a bit of dignity back into the beautiful game for dear old Blighty .

And no celebrity endorsed specially penned track for the nation to sing along with as we will them on towards a victory.

Yet despite all this, they played with vim and vigour that displayed a real passion for their chosen sport that deservedly got them further than any English team has got in the world cup since 1990.

So with that amazing desire to succeed instilled within them i wonder if maybe we would be much better off sending the England ladies off to play for us in Russia 2018 ?

GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT GETTING HITCHED AIN'T ONE

Sky plus is set to series record for Don’t tell the bride , my favourite website is Rock and roll bride, Kat Williams alternative wedding blog and I’ve been known to treat myself to the magazine of the same name as I really enjoy reading about all the different ways couples have celebrated their big day .

Hop on over to Pinterest, the creative inspiration site for projects and ideas and you’ll find I have a board entitled always the bridesmaid, never the bride dedicated to old wedding photos, vintage wedding dresses and peoples retro themed ceremonies so I can understand that it seems a bit weird to others that despite a vast interest in all things nuptial I have absolutely no desire to take a walk up the aisle myself.

Once upon a time back in my younger years I like many others may have dreamed of finding my Mr. right and celebrating our happy ever after with an elaborate ceremony but now I’m older it doesn’t seem so much of a priority anymore .

That doesn’t mean however that I think marriage is such a bad thing , just this month I’ll see some of my closest friends and family tie the knot and I can see it is something that means a great deal to them , that it’s something that works for them and makes them happy .

It’s just that all that fuss and faffing about for one day and a bit of important paper is not for me and so it does get annoying when I express that opinion that others assume it must be due to some underlying issue because after all what sort of girl doesn’t want to be treated like a princess for a day as she joins together with her prince charming in holy matrimony.

So to those who treated me with fawning sympathy like I’m some kind of freak or argued that there must be a reason for my failure to commit to wedded bliss because I jokingly paraphrased a Jay-Z track in the facebook status  “ I reckon  should start a blog about why I’m a woman who doesn’t dream of having a big white wedding called  Got 99 problems but getting hitched ain’t one “ recently  , it’s got nothing to do with me not having met the right person , I’m not protesting too much to cover up for the fact it is really what I dream of .

It’s just how I feel , it’s my opinion , my decision and it doesn’t make me any less of a woman , partner , mum or whatever .

I don’t judge you for doing what you think makes your life complete so please don’t judge me just because I choose not to put a ring on it.

 

TROUBLE AND WIFE

A moment of panic as a fire alarm goes off in the hotel and we think we’re going to have to evacuate, rollers in and faces half made up.

A few tears as the emotion of the day and the pressure for everything to be perfect gets to some of those most involved in the day’s proceedings.

An organist who’s rendition of “ here comes the bride “ seems a little longer and jazzier than anyone remembers it being  that helps ease the nervous atmosphere as everyone giggles to themselves at the pageboy busting some funky moves to it.

And vast netted petticoat shenanigans that culminate in many a wedding photo of someone emerging from beneath the bride and bridesmaids crinolines.

My last column was all about how walking up the aisle was not for me but it was a complete honour to play a supporting role in the special day of two people I love very dearly last weekend.

So congratulations to my brother Ross and to his beautiful bride Hannah, welcome to our family.

 

DONT STAND SO CLOSE TO ME ...

Picture the scene, it’s a brisk, chilly spring evening in the early 90s and I’ve just left my Y.T.S placement at a stationery shop in Gillingham.

I’m not earning big bucks, but at least that £35 a week means I have my own income with which to indulge in my two biggest loves, fashion and music.

Learning to drive is way ahead in the future for me yet so it’s good old Maidstone and District I’m relying on to get me to and from Wigmore and Canterbury Street every day and tonight is no exception.

I trudge down to the stop on Skinner Street, sometimes there are lots of us waiting but tonight I’m on my own so i shove my hands deeper into my jacket pockets to keep them warm and glance at the road ahead to see if there’s any sign of the 115 approaching.

 Swivelling round to see if any are coming in the opposite direction it takes me quite by surprise to find that an unkempt and rather tatty looking fellow in a blue velvet jacket has sidled up behind me.

He mumbles something incoherent and not wishing to seem rude i give him a smile before turning my attention back once again to whether the bus is coming.

It’s as I’m checking my watch to see if when the timetable says 10 minutes past it actually means this specific ten past or some random ten minutes of the drivers own choosing that I realise that the person I hadn’t really paid much attention to behind me is now being very attentive indeed.

The weather is icy cold this evening but his hot breath on the back of my neck doesn’t warm me as he stands a little too close for comfort.

I shuffle forward slightly thinking maybe he just has a problem with spatial awareness but with every move i make he’s there close behind pressing himself right into the small of my back and breathing in my ear.

Standing frozen to the spot, panicking about what i can do as by now most of the surrounding businesses have shut up shop for the evening; you can probably understand the relief i felt as my bus finally appeared round the corner at that very moment.

I jumped on board and as the doors slammed shut in between me and him i sat shaking and cursing at myself for not making a fuss and letting him do that to me.

So that’s why I applaud the New York magazine cover of the 35 Bill Cosby accusers and the empty chair that represents the ones who feel they can’t or don’t want to make themselves known for making a statement that’s as powerful as it is simplistic .

My experience wasn’t in any way as harrowing and awful as what these ladies have been through but i know it’s the reason i have issues with people standing too close to me or invading my personal space unless I’ve really got to know them well first.

To me that picture is amazing because it says it’s not ok for someone to feel they have the right to violate you no matter who they are or what their opinions of you might be.

And there it is speaking volumes in black and white for the entire world to see.

 

THE CHARITY SHOPAHOLIC

I’m a cheap date there’s no doubt about it.

No, quite literally I am.

For chances are if you were to ask me how much anything I own has cost me I can almost guarantee that it won’t have set me back much more than a tenner.

Reason being, of course that I love a good charity shop, me.

Offer me an all expenses paid trolley dash round some high on price but low on originality boutique or department store and you’d be hard pressed to find anything i might even show the tiniest glimmer of interest in.

 However give me free reign to have a right old rummage through rails of donations in Age uk , Oxfam , shelter or the cats protection league and I’m totally in my element .

It started in my teens I suppose when I first decided that I didn’t want to dress the same as the rest of my peers and took to referencing previous era’s especially the 50s and 60s.

With the dawn of the Britpop era in the 90s and its dedication to the movement of 70s crimplene couture and all things trashy and tacky nothing could beat filling a bag with stuff to clothe and furnish your life with for just a couple of pounds not to mention the buzz of being able to brag not how much the outfit you’d chosen to wear out that Friday night had cost you but how little.

60’s and 70s genuine leather coats, half a tonne of vintage dresses, a vast array of handbags, sunglasses, jewellery, swimming costumes and footwear and the piece de resistance an Astrakha leopard print fake fur that brought me nods of approval from a notoriously hard to impress grandma, especially when she found out it had only cost me £7, that’s still going strong to this day.

Over the years charity shops have fed my vintage habit handsomely with some quality items that you’d probably end up paying a fortune for on eBay now and my love of good old forage through rails and shelves of stuff people have donated hasn’t waned.

I love finding that one unique piece in amongst all the modern stuff , that jewel in the rough that no-one else has spotted , vintage Polaroid sunglasses hidden beneath hundreds of plastic high street numbers , a 50s wicker handbag pushed to one side in favour of something not  quite so pretty in faux leather.

A vintage camera case that has become your favourite go to holdall for just £3 and an original 50’s Marks and Spencer’s polka dot tea dress that so impressed one lady she felt the need to follow you up the stairs in a charity shop in Gillingham just to tell you how lovely it was .

There’s nothing quite like a compliment to make you feel like a million dollars but let’s be honest it’s even more rewarding when you know you’ve supported a deserving cause to receive it.

 

 

THATS A WEIGHT OFF MY MIND

New Year’s resolutions, eh?

They’re made to be broken aren’t they?

 But if I’m honest there’s one I made way back on January 5^th in this very column that I’m extremely disappointed at myself for not achieving .

For amongst the promises I made to finally pass my driving test, start getting some ideas together to write a book and look into doing some more adult education classes, lay the one thing that would have made the world of difference to my well being and confidence but I let it fall by the wayside along with the rest as I made numerous excuses for why it just wasn’t happening.

To quote from that piece and refresh everyone’s memories, I declared that with my big 40^th birthday looming on the horizon that the only number I wanted to be making a statement with was my age not the size of my ballooning waistline.

However, somewhere along the way that got sidelined as party preparations followed by wedding arrangements took precedence over everything else and I ended up being not only a larger than life party girl but also the big bridesmaid I hadn’t wanted to be.

A few unflattering photos and a wedding video where I wasn’t caught at any of my best angles later though, and it was enough to spur me on to finally do something about it.

There’s nothing quite like watching a frumpy tubby woman waddling and sweating profusely on the reception dance floor thinking she looks cool but instead bringing to mind Anne Widdecombe during a dance sequence on Strictly, and then realising its you to give you a swift kick up your ample backside and straight through the doors of your local slimming world meeting.

So that’s where I’ll be every Monday night now for the time being as realising that to carry the weight off I’m clocking in at presently healthily I would have to be well over 6ft 8 has been a real eye opener for me .

At 40 years old I’ve quite probably had all I’m going to get in the growing stakes at 5ft if I’m honest , so a regime of healthier eating and being more active sounds far less extreme than being stretched out on a rack every evening , I think you’ll agree.

I’ve had one weigh in so far with a loss of 1 and a half pounds so hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here.

And who knows , last time I shed a lot of weight and gained what I’d lost in confidence I ended up having the guts to do the course that lead to me writing this column here, so maybe some time soon I’ll be ticking off all those other things on my resolution list as achieved .

 

 

 

 

 

ANTI SOCIAL MEDIA

A member of a facebook group through the kindness of their heart posts a status upon the page saying” if you wish to offer help to the refugees please join our group here” and instead of deciding quietly whether it is or isn’t for them, fellow members bombard them with a torrent of abuse for even suggesting such a thing.

It never occurs that there is an important word at the start of that sentence that some are clearly missing and that they would do well to actually pay attention to as it completely changes perspective on what the statement is saying.

The word is so small you couldn’t blame some for missing it but it’s one that puts a total new spin on whether someone is ordering you to do something or giving you the choice to make your own decision.

And that word is if, they are asking you if you’d like to, not telling you have to, some would benefit   greatly in learning the difference before stomping all over other peoples beliefs with their opinions.