MUMS-NOT

Dear Mums of Mumsnet ,

                         I don't know if you've read the aim on the about us  page of your favourite website but just to refresh your memories or for those of you who are too busy puréeing mung beans and alfalfa up for little merlin as he sleeps in his fully biodegradable non toxic cot I'll help you out .
       
  Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support

you see that do you that word at the end that means so much to lots of parents who might struggle a bit from time to time with what junior and siblings might throw at them. you  know that parenthood isn't always a rosy hued Cath Kidston existence all the time do you. you are aware that even though some of us try our best with to keep our adult relationships on track , sometimes the arrival of third , fourth or even fifth member of your gang might be the thing that breaks you for good. 
         you do , ok then maybe you should stop putting down those that don't quite always fit into your happy middle class image of mummies and daddies mould because regardless of whether that person is a Hollywood star or not , they are still a mum/dad who loves their child just as much as you do . is it really so " appalling " that someone might want to have kids with the person she really believes is the right one this time. is your life so wipe clean and perfect that any hint of imperfection is eradicated with multi surface sanitizer spray and bleach.
                                           support is one of the greatest things you can give a woman from the day she starts carrying but all too often some of us leave behind the school bullies only to find ourselves caught in the clutch of the mummy mafia.
              The bullying starts from day one, you must have a natural birth or you have failed the mummy test without passing go . well a massive fit brought on preeclampsia , trying to walk through a bed cos my brain was so addled with toxins my body was slowly poisoning my body with and being technically dead for two minutes on the operating table put paid to my natural birth so I suppose I should have got the doctor to write needs to try harder on my medical report before I went home.
               rule number two of mummy mafia is of course BREAST IS BEST , you must breast feed to not do it means you are the lowest of the low and you're depriving your child of growing up into a future president/brain surgeon in fact it should be classed as child abuse if you don't do it - granted yes breast milk is the best stuff (ask Myleene Klass , she serves it up at dinner parties to her guest apparently ) but please take into account that some mums quite simply cant do it because of illness and other factors , they aren't being lazy they are just doing what is best for them. in my own case I wasn't producing enough for two pesky little blighters and the stress of that including the realisation that i'd given my life over into being what was technically a milking machine for the next however months 24 hours /7 days a week kind of swung it towards using formula for me in the end .
baby bullies aren't always  mums either. I had my other half lecturing me every time the boys caught a cold or got the sniffles that " we" should have breast fed for longer . yes that's right love cos its your massive man boobs they are chomping the hell out of isn't it as you get to leave the house to go out and have that social life I could only dream about now !
 my boys are 10 now , for that terrible sin I committed of not having them naturally and not breast feeding them with all those good things a mothers body can give they haven't done too badly.
they're polite , loving , they are in all the top classes at school and about to take an 11 plus exam that their teachers' expect them to fly through . I've even been told by complete strangers that my kids are a credit to me for being so well behaved so have that all you smug yummy mummies who let me believe I did it all wrong , I gave them the one thing that's really important in a child's life.
                                 love and if a child is loved does it matter who its mum or dad is ?
                                                                             P.S- Rod Stewart has 8 children by 5 women so go hassle him about being an appalling parent because Kate Winslet is small fry compared to him