A sure fire way of knowing just how popular you were with the opposite sex and boy I must have been pretty repellent cos I then realised I've only ever slow danced properly a couple of times in my life.
Maybe it's the fact I'm very awkward about people touching me in general unless I really know them , maybe it's because I feel the urge to burst out into immature laughter at the thought of a man grinding his down unders against me or maybe it's because at 5ft and a fag end there's not many fella's with whom I can rest my head gently on their shoulder ( belly button perhaps but it's not quite the same ) , the slow dance has decided it's really just not for me.
The first was at a disco given after a school classmates brothers football presentation which came as quite a shock given the clothes I'd chosen to wear. Trying to dip a toe in the world of alternative indie fashion the outfit I'd decided that evening to wear was a pair of Levi 501's , a baggy white t shirt stolen from my dad topped off with the brown cardigan that my father frequently accused me of stealing .my makeupless face framed with my gold rimmed John Lennon glasses ( all the better for seeing the boys with ) and I was good to go.
( my dad must've been the only father who told his daughter you're not going out dressed like that because she was too covered up ! )
So anyway despite the fact i was clearly bringing specsy back while the classmate was busy chatting up the dj ( supposedly she went out with him for a couple of weeks although there was a rumour she had made that up ) little mole like me got approached by a beefy older lad who asked if I wanted to dance . Having always been a bit backwards in the art of flirting this was the first time any bloke had shown any interest so I jumped at the chance.
It's said that dance is a form of mating ritual but this had all the sexiness of two people shifting a large wardrobe , at the end there was no number swapping or much lusted after snogging nope not even a peck on the cheek , just a rain man like " thank you " as I ambled awkwardly away ...I didn't hear from him again , surprise surprise !
Making a profession out of being the worlds worst flirter / flirtee my next slow dance didn't fair much better , I was a little more accomplished at the art of dressing like a woman by then so the outfit was right but again the dance was wrong . I don't think I could have danced any further away from the chap than if I'd been doing it from the shop unit next door.
Various times after that fared much the same , it didn't even matter if I was truly attracted to that person , the slow dance had all the sex appeal of moving a comedy table with one of the chuckle brothers ....to you , to me
So I decided to give up my slow dance dream , no more would I be shuffled round the floor like an old ladies shopping trolley , I branched out and embraced the art of dancing like no bodies watching and I've been flying solo ever since ...
And solo is the best thing to be once those limbs of mine begin to feel the beat
X
No comments:
Post a Comment