THE BALLAD OF THE CHRISTMAS CLEANING FAIRIES

AN ODE TO MY OTHER LESS GLAMOUROUS JOB

BY SPAM FLARES ( GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWNS POETESS ALTER EGO )

Welcome readers of my column to this my last entry of 2013, I’d like to dedicate this piece to some of the unsung heroes of this joyous time of year.

So, to my fellow hygiene operatives, this one’s for you

Are we all sitting comfortably?

 Then I shall begin, with the ballad of the Christmas cleaning fairies and all their brethren.

T’was the week before Christmas, and all through the school, the atmosphere was festive; there was no need for rules.

Homemade decorations hung from ceilings with care and the teachers prayed holidays soon would be there.

As parents and children nestled snug in their beds, thoughts of parties and pressies danced round in their heads.

The cleaners from their beds had got up, and proceeded to classrooms with bucket and mop.

When out of the silence there arose such a clatter, what’s up? Call their colleagues, what is the matter?

“Look at this” one cries “look at the litter, someone’s covered this classroom in a layer of glitter!”

Cheese footballs kicked aimlessly, have missed their target, now ground all to bits making mess on the carpet.

Biscuit crumbs on the floor like new fallen snow, while crisps scatter in places they aren’t meant to go.

There’s paper and pencils and shavings galore intertwined with the weaving of the carpeted floor, bin bags by the dozen, full to the brim with excess decorations and Christmassy trim.

The staff room is next where grownups do linger, though you’d be forgiven for doubting when you see the crushed chocolate fingers.

 Toilets sparkling, glittery with wee, paper strewn like tinsel round this porcelain tree.

Sinks covered in paint and desks smeared with glue gum, classes start in two hours, what can be done?

On Hoover , on duster , on hot tap for water , fill bucket with bubbles and this mess they’ll slaughter.

They’ll stack chairs, move tables and scrub at the mess, at the end of their shift this room will back at its best.

Pick up all the sports bags, mislaid coats, gloves and hats, books from book corner even stuffed cats. They’ll replace everything back how it once was with care; you’d never know of the bombsite that once lay right there.

So remember as you mess and trash the work place those housekeeping saviours that save you from disgrace.

Who slip away quietly like the tailor shop mice, they don’t expect thanks although it might have been nice.

 Respect them this yuletide, make them swell with delight  

Say Merry Christmas all cleaners and to all a good night.

 

So that’s it from my column for the rest of this year , girl from the neck down wishes you well and lots of good cheer.

See you back here 2014, same time and same place, hope my awful poetry hasn’t made you sick of my face!

There’s one thing left to say and that’s the end, it is clear

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year xxx

PUBLISHED IN MEDWAY MESSENGER 23 DEC 2013