DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME

Your basket is full, every item has been ticked off your shopping list and now you’re proceeding in an orderly fashion to the till.

The items are unloaded efficiently onto the conveyer belt and you wait patiently for them to be scanned through the checkout.

But what’s this happening to your rear, clearly worried that they might lose their place in the queue the space invader is making sure no one gets ahead of them by tailgating you through the entire experience.

No gap is left to chance as they repeatedly ram their trolley into your backside with every shuffle forward and no matter that the chip and pin area is there for you to make your payment in privacy they’re going to stay right by your side lest someone creeps in.

They function under the misguided apprehension that this will make you go faster but I have news for them.

If anything it will make me go slower on purpose ,so if you want me to get a move on in the words of Sting whilst he was still in the police.

“Don’t stand so close to me “

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN – MEDWAY MESSENGER 22/09/2014