GET A LIFE , NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

Here you can have this shouts the woman with rage in her eyes as she flings the jewellery stand at the girl behind the till because in her preoccupation at getting all the bargains she’s headbutted it and slightly hurt herself.

This place is rubbish, let’s go somewhere else squeal the gang of teenagers as they dump everything they’ve been trying on in a huge mound of the changing room floor.

You’re useless rants the man in the assistants face as they have been unable to get the item he’s left it till the last minute to buy for his Mrs. and now it’s sold out everywhere

It’s been a long time since I’ve spent the Christmas period serving people in the retail industry but hearing the way some other people treat and speak to those that are trying to help them just brings the horror of it all back and at times makes me ashamed to be a human being .

So this season of goodwill please remember that that shop assistant has a life too, they’re not just there to be abused by you during the Christmas period.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 15/12/14

Storm in a D CUP

BREASTS!

Whoops, am I being a little overly ostentatious for you?

Sorry, I can be a bit of a handful at times, but in a week where the NHS proposed that mothers should ideally breastfeed their babies until they’re 18 months old as it would save them nearly 50 million a year, it’s still slightly odd to me that some people find something that’s so natural so offensive and think that mother and baby should put away in a corner.

For let’s be honest here  , the majority of mums who are nursing their babies out in the bosom of public life aren’t going out of their way to do it for titillation purposes , they’re just trying to give their child the nourishment it needs to be fit and healthy.

Which is more than can be said for the celeb in the see through dress leaving nothing to the imagination at a glitzy awards ceremony in the pages of your glossy magazine or the topless girl in the tabloid newspaper that’ll be read over many a morning coffee or tea.

They’re not being ushered away to “somewhere more discreet “, being told to cover themselves with a tablecloth or napkin or hidden away in a disabled toilet because they’re offending somebody.

Rihanna , at a fashion event is applauded for being a major style icon in a dress that would’ve had even the emperor famous for his new clothing  blushing at the pop queen in the altogether.

 But a new mum whips one out discreetly over afternoon tea and suddenly she and all those like her are being discussed and advised by middle aged political males on what they should or shouldn’t be doing to make sure Mr and Mrs Easily offended don’t get uppity whilst consuming their milky latte.

The thing is breast feeding is nobody else’s business but mother and baby’s .Chances are new mum doesn’t really want you to be having a good gawp at her being a milk machine either and will try to be discreet as she can possibly be to avoid drawing attention to herself .

So maybe, knockers of public breast feeding should just follow her lead, let her get on with it and look away if it’s something they don’t want to see.

For by making a fuss about it and causing a scene surely they risk making themselves look like the most overexposed boob of all ?


GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 15/12/14

 

NEVER THE BRIDESMAID , NEVER THE BRIDE ?

I was beginning to wonder if it was just a role I was never cut out to play.

Maybe I’m not feminine enough.

I’ve never been that girly  I admit , false nails , fake tan , hair extensions , they’re pretty much alien to me .

Who wants to waste time that could be spent having fun on using straighteners and not being able to pick things up because their long talons get in the way?

As for spending an evening covering yourself in brown gloop that stains the sheets and virtually anything else it comes in contact with, well that’s just not my cup of tea.

Next July though I’ve been chosen to fill one of the most ladylike roles ever and I’m hoping I can do it justice.

So please let me introduce to you, at the wedding of her brother Ross and lovely wife to be Hannah.

Miss Nina Page, making her debut performance as a bridesmaid at the grand old age of 40.

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN - MEDWAY MESSENGER 01/12/14

BE A "PATIENT" PATIENT

A rainy evening in November, one of my sons took a tumble on the way to school this morning and injured his thumb and now he’s saying he can’t move it.

Take him to the hospital shouts one train of thought neglecting to note that my learner driver status will inevitably mean paying out vast taxi fares to get there and back.

And truth be told the males of this house are prone to a little drama queen action when faced with illness or injury, so I don’t much relish the prospect of sitting in casualty till gone midnight only for that terrible pain that ails them to miraculously be cured once again as the patient grows increasingly restless at the waiting time stretching ahead of them.

Our last journey to Medway Maritime for stomach pains that went from being suspected appendicitis to “ actually I think I might just need a poo , Mummy “ is proof enough that its probably best that I assess whether this damaged digit is worth its weight in taxi fares before I go booking up a minicab.

Carefully unwrapping the bandage the school first aider had strapped it up with I was relieved to see that it wasn’t too swollen as a broken limb would suggest but as he couldn’t grip anything with it decided we should still get it checked out anyway.

As it was getting late I decided to forego ringing the doctors surgery and went straight for the direct approach instead ,reasoning that if they couldn’t see us, there was always the pharmacist in the supermarket next door to advise us on what was best to do.

Fully expecting to be told that no I would have to go to the hospital and get it x rayed I explained to the receptionist what the problem was. She said although we might still end up at the hospital anyway she could understand why I didn’t want to make a journey if I didn’t really need to and so if we didnt mind waiting till everyone else had been in for their appointments she’d ask the doctor to have a look at it for us when she’d finished .

So we sat for about an hour watching people coming and going, the cheerful little boy saying hello to everyone who I pointed out to my son wouldn’t be leaving quite so happy when he realised that his mum had brought him in for his injections, the old lady reading the newspaper with the headline “one in 6 G.P’s is failing “and a group of decorators giving the surgery a much needed lick of paint.

Until eventually we were the only people left in the waiting room and we were called in to see our G.P.

In a little under 10 minutes she had made the diagnosis that although it was painful all this thumb needed was a little bit of rest and it’d soon be back at its best again so there was no need for a trip to A&E.

So instead of spending hours and money on a trip to the hospital we were back home within 90 minutes.

Which goes to show that it’s worth checking with your doctor first, instead of overloading those hard working, yet underappreciated hospital staff with ailments and injuries that aren’t an emergency.

Be a more patient patient and it'll benefit everybody.

And that goes for you too , Mr. Health Secretary.  

GIRL FROM THE NECK DOWN COLUMN  - MEDWAY MESSENGER 01/12/14