“ Welcome to what I call my way of feeding , feeding’s got
to be a laugh , it’s got to be simple, it’s got to be fun , it’s basically got
to be about stripping the recipe down to the bare essentials ....only the top
half though, this is a family show “
*Opening credits roll up to reveal pukka title sequence *
The Naked Breast
Ok , ladies what I have here for you is a recipe that’s been
around since the dawn of time and you know what , it’s so simple and easy that
should you choose to defer from it everyone including celebrity chefs are allowed to make you feel
bad forever after for not doing it the right way.
It’s packed full of health benefits so please do feel guilty
about not doing what’s best for your child even if it’s unavoidable due to
illness or other reasons when everyone informs you about the essential vitamins and nutrients
you’re depriving baby of that make them less susceptible to colds, chest
infections and allergies.
Please do weep buckets full of tears at your failure to get
baby to latch on because after all as your partner yawns and moans crossly “how
hard can it be ? “
And should you choose to express your milk with a pump
please remember all that pain and distress is totally worth it for that tiny
amount you manage to squeeze out that barely covers the bottom of the beaker provided.
Top tip - A simple garnish of
cabbage leaves works wonders if swelling and infection become too much to bear.
Finally, it is essential that you should feel compelled to have
to sacrifice your own mental health and happiness, after all when you signed up
for this baby malarkey you knew the rules stated that you were expected become
a milking machine 24 hours a day 7 days a week lest you want your child to grow
up and be at risk of long term illness, stunted growth and obesity.
Bish, bash , bosh and that’s it we’re sorted .
Or alternatively there is another “bold, brave “move you
could make that works just as well for mother and baby.
You can do what works best for you , what fit’s best around
your life and what makes not only baby happy but mum as well despite what
everyone else wants to dictate to you .
I breastfed with difficulty for the first month of my twins
life before deciding to switch full time to formula when I realised that with
two mouths to feed and barely producing enough of my own to fill a tablespoon
that if I wanted to feel satisfied i was giving them enough nourishment maybe
it was time I started being not so hard on myself for not being able to give it
to them personally and concentrated more on enjoying watching them thrive with
a little bit of help from elsewhere.
They’ve grown up to be big, strong and healthy with rarely a
day taken off school due to ill health.
Towering over 5ft me and catching up quickly with their 6ft
1 father they aren’t exactly stunted height wise and while they like their food
they are in no way giving Billy Bunter a run for his money so I don’t fret
quite so much that maybe I didn’t give them the best start in life by switching
over to bottle feeding these days.
So ladies , I applaud you however you decide to do your
feeding because while there are certainly reasons for why breast is supposed to
be best , I think maybe letting every mother choose what works well for her
without judging them is an even better idea , don’t you ?
Lovely Jubbly
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