Come in young sir, what can we do for you?

A new suit you say, no problem , may we ask what for?

You will be entering the sixth form when you return to school in September, so you need something smart and practical to set you apart from those younger students that will still be wearing the required uniform.

Ooh lovely Sir, well you’ve certainly come to the right place if you want quality goods , just feel the texture of those fabrics , not only do they look good but they are certainly hard wearing .

You will be making an investment when purchasing from us Sir , our garments will see you through the sixth form and beyond , you won’t need to replace them for a good few years and if there are any problems, please don’t hesitate to call on us again, we are happy to help with whatever they may be .

What absolutely marvellous customer service I hear you say, please tell me where this gents outfitters is they sound delightful and so happy to be of service to those looking for something of quality.

However cut to November and I’m sure that you’ll be changing your tune on this tailoring recommendation.

For the young sir in question’s grandmother had to return to the retailer who had been so happy to help ,when after just under 3 months usage the hard wearing material they’d been so keen to brag about had worn away to gossamer thinness in the seat of the trousers and split quite embarrassingly in front of lots of people.

Upon presentation of the defective item, the staff for whom no problem was too great for them to deal with when vast sums of money were being placed into their till, informed her quite snottily that this was down to normal everyday wear and tear and that because no receipt was available for presentation there would be no refund granted on this pair of trousers that would have put Christina Aguilera’s 2002 leather chaps wearing phase to shame.

Now forgive me for being picky but surely if you’ve paid out extra for an investment piece you should at least be able to rely on it seeing out the year before it falls apart after all he’s only a young man going about his daily business not Nicki Minaj twerking  those seams for all their worth.

A faulty item is, as far as i remember from all my years in retail, an item that is unsuitable for its job and is refundable regardless of whether there’s a receipt or not.

So maybe the staff of this particular establishment should take that into account.

For surely a suit that isn’t able to be a suit is perhaps the most perfect description of that definition of faulty if you ask me.